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female
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anonymous
writes: I just want to try this out before I register. I am having a problem and I am not really sure what to put it under. I will try to explain it as best I can. I have a "friend", well I am trying all I can to be friends with her. Without saying more, I just want to say, I have to try and get along with her, because it is important to someone who is very special to both of us. IT seems that every time I say anything to her, she takes it the wrong way. I bring up past problems because I feel they do not get resolved. I am learning not to, but I need to learn how to forget about it. She always says I blame her for everything, like the whole world revolves around her, I honestly don't though. It seems we cannot talk about anything because we both seem to take what each other says the wrong way. The other person says we can talk to him about anything, but he gets upset when we cannot get along. This person is important to me, not her so much, but i need to get along with her because of him and it is very difficult. We each feel that the other gives insincere apologies, and we both feel we hold grudges and are not trying to work things out. Is there anyone that can offer some sort of advice, please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pica +, writes (24 November 2006):
Does she know that you're just being nice for his sake? I think that may well come across as totally fake, if she knows you'd rather not bother. If you do have to talk, at least be real - I'd not bother showering her with compliments, that's just as insincere. Perhaps if we knew the relationships involved it would help? Is she his ex, daughter, neighbour, colleague? Some of these people could be politely ignored...
A
female
reader, jabey  +, writes (23 November 2006):
i think you should just try to relax around her. It sounds like your very self aware of what you are saying all the time. You really must just be you. Try to compliment her on little things, not the obvious, like example I love the way you always listen, or you have a fab sense of humour she must have some qualities think of those and tell her. Also compliment her on her outfit or make up.
By complimenting people they will always warm to you it makes them feel special and noticed. Ask sincere questions about her job, life etc. Try to forget the past dont bring it up talk about day to day things. Like did you see that programme last night ? or favourite music, lend her a cd.Be the mature one, she will respect you for that. And hopefully you can get on and move on. Good luck xx
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