A
male
age
36-40,
*lo Jack
writes:OK, there's this girl with whom I had the most tortuous, hot/cold relationship possible...we'd known each other for several years and it wasn't until the last couple of years when we were starting to look like an "ítem"...what would usually happen is that there'd be this period where things would seem to be coming to a head naturally, but then SOMETHING would happen (usually someone would fuck up somehow), which would result in things cooling off sometimes to the point of us breaking complete contact, sometimes for months, sometimes for years, only to see HER (always her not me) eventually come grovelling back to me...into my not exactly unwilling arms of course...The latest of these episodes (which took place almost a complete year ago)happened after a period where it seemed, more tan ever, like we were FINALLY set to be a couple...we went out on dates constantly, kissed, most of our mutual friends thought we were a thing...I even had told her that I had feelings for her, however, due to a series of factors (mostly me acting like a jealous drunken bitch and her like just a plain old bitch) we ended up breaking contact, this time more definitely than ever before(she told me not to contact her anymore...I of course complied).Now it's been almost a year since, a year in which there has been practically zero contact between us (we've only just texted single line messages to each other on our bdays with resulting one word responses)and I'm starting to see definitive signs that this girl wants to, at the very least, be on speaking terms with me again...I make a big deal out of this because of our f'ed up history, and because I still have feelings for this girl...Now, I obviously wouldn't have allowed any of this to happen if I wasn't a complete fool for the girl in question...I've dated and slept with other girls in the time since, but there's never been one that's compared with her. I mean I still miss her so much, I miss talking to her and stuff like that. What I want to know is, what should I do? I'm obviously not foolish enough to think something like this could ever work, but like i said, i miss her and still have feelings for her...even though I think it's obvious that these aren't reciprocated.
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drunk, jealous, move on, period, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): You have an addiction to her and you like drama.
Some people get an adrenalin rush from fighting with their partners. Such highly volatile relationships are dangerous. Psychologically, physically, and emotionally.
You both come together for an emotionally-charged S&M session. You do and say things to hurt each other, get drunk and fight about it. Back-off, then go back to your separate lives.
It's a pattern set from many years. You look forward to it like a traditional family-vacation to the cottage on the Cape.
It's time to quit your addictions cold-turkey, and deal with the withdrawal. You don't need another fix. It's time to quit. You're bad for each other. You need her, and you need alcohol. That probably includes other substances as well.
Time to work on yourself and turn yourself into a more stable and love-worthy fellow.
She takes you back again and again; because she accepts you and all your crap. You don't have to do anything out of your way to be compatible, and she has a high tolerance for your bullshit.
Sorry buddy, I've seen this all before. She has had it up to her eyeballs with you. You suck her in with how you've changed, and still love her. You're good for a few months, then the phony act just gets too much for you. You revert back to the real you. The fighting begins. She hates your drinking, and many other things you neglected to include in the post. It's not all her, but I'd bet the farm 99.9% of the problem is with YOU.
I say that because, if you acted like a jealous drunken
bitch. That includes, swearing, shouting, smashing things, walking out and disappearing for days, possibly threats of violence against her, hitting, slamming doors, more excessive drinking, and on and on and on.
If she is smart, she'll stay as far away from you as possible.
If you're smart, you'll sober up. Get your emotions and mental issues in order.
Then present the fully rehabilitated, happy, and love-worthy new and improved version, to some very deserving woman. Not her, you've already damaged her.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 September 2013):
Get back in contact with her if you want a drama filled life. If you don't, stay away. It's really that simple.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 September 2013):
 Yeah, well if you like self flagaltion(beating yoursef up every few weeks only to be thrust into an awkard coling off period whereupon you know there will be even more heartache sooner or later then by all means stay with this stupid "relationship" Why there is even a question here makes me certain you both love pain and anxiety! Wierd things happen with the younger generation these days. Mr I would have gone crazy by now and moved to another country.
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