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male
age
36-40,
*fwolves78
writes: Dear cupid im in a very bad situation that is honestly consuming 100% of my mind and driving me insane. im 18 and in college and so is this girl. we started out as inseperable best friends. now the relationship has lasted 1.5 years. we hung out 24/7, spent the night together, and i would spend at least $40/night on dinner. everything was perfect and her friends always told me how much she says she likes me and im "perfect" (she wouldnt show it for some reason). i even did her homework occasionally (whipped? lol). everything was perfect until christmas break this year. during this time she made out with a male stripper and told me atleast 8 known lies. when i confronted her about it, we fought and i ultimately found out she wanted a "break". the day our break started, her best friend told me that my gf told her that she needs to "get laid". which is unlike her and weird because she has only had sex once (not with me). she told her friend she thinks she will get more meaning out of life and be happier if she messes around w a guy. she says the reason she wants a break is because she went straight from a 2 yr relationship into our 1.5 yr long relationship and never experienced single life in between. (good timing thanks) also, her sister got engaged in college and she claims her sister missed out on all the "fun" in college and doesnt want that to happen to her. continuing on.. during our "break", she has spent the night and made out with 2 different guys so far, not even 2 days after the break started and she has lied about it numerous times. i know all this through mutual friends by the way. tomorrow she is going to the birthday party of the new guy she messes around with. so far, Im sure you all would tell me to drop her. Heres the catch. she told me she never really showed me her true love for me because shes scared to get into a serious relationship but she KNOWS we will end up getting MARRIED one day. im so confused about everything. 1 AND A HALF YEARS LATER SHE TELLS ME THIS.. im going insane and im building up so much animosity towards her that when we talk (rarely), all i want to talk about is our relationship problems and tonight i blew up on her for the first time ever. when we talk i always make comments about the other guys and that causes a problem. i think about it all day long and now im taking a sleep aid because ive been rolling around bed thinkin about her til 6am every night. i gave her the world. what do i do? im sorry this is long and doesnt really make sense. i tried to articulate my venting into a complete thought. she is my first love by the way. thank u all so much in advance, you guys are awesome! -much love, Jake
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a break, best friend, christmas, engaged, stripper Reply to this Question
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Woah woah woah, hang on a minute, you're telling me you still want to be with a girl that made out with a stripper, and dumped you because she wants to get laid??!! I understand its your first love and all that jazz, but come on now, do you just enjoy the beating that you wanna go back for more or what? Theres a fine line between being a nice, sweet guy and being a loser doormat!! People usually cant tell the difference and I doubt she can!! If she did she wouldnt have played with your feelings.
You're damn right when you said halfway through your post that you were sure that we all would tell you to drop her!! Of course we would because shes no good for you! Put it this way, its like you're drunk on alcohol and you're drinking yourself to death. And here we are pulling the bottle away from you, but of course we're gonna do that!! You cant see you're heading for a great big wall in front of you, but we can cause we're sober and we're warning you about that great big wall coming up!! At the end of the day, its up to you to either take our word for it and avoid it, or well....just smack yourself on it!! Good luck mate.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): quite simply you both want different things in life, she wants to sleep around and you want a relationship.
move on, go out with your friends and show her shes not the only one who can live life. give time apart from her, dont text her back, if you see her around just give a friendly hi and keep walking.. she hasnt given much thought to you so dont give much to her. go out have fun and maybe get lucky with an even nicer woman, we all have first loves, but theyre called first because theres usually a second,third or fourth after...you'll get over her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): I think you both want different things, but you are perhaps in denial and you are clinging to a few sentances she has said and are misinterpreting them, hoping that they mean that she wants to be with you forever.
You talk a lot about everything being perfect, I think it is far from it - for her - at least. It's an unfortunate thing, but at your ages, it is more common for people to want to enjoy themselves rather than be bogged down in serious relationships. This girl has even said this, she went from one long relationship to the next - young people come to not like doing this. She has already made out with other guys since your split. Think about this - have you seen other girls? This is a sign really that things are over. Can you really go back to how things used to be? No - you'll always know she was with other men, and you'll never know exactly what she did with them.
I think (for the sake of your sanity) you need to stop talking to your mutual friend about what this girl is up to, it can only possibly make you feel worse. You need to tell them "please do not mention her again and if I ask you anything don't tell me".
I do feel for you, we have all been there. First loves and first breakups can seem like the end of the world, but they are not, and the pain will stop and you'll feel a better person for it all.
A point to mention, sleeping aids and drugs to numb the pain help short term, but they will only serve to prolong your pain longer. Quickest way to deal with any emotional situation is to stay completely sober no matter how much you feel yourself drawn to ways of making it easier.
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