A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Was with a girl for 2.5 years. We had lots of ups and downs. She had a problem lying(sometimes for my better) and i had some times where i got anger and treated her like shit. We truly split back in May when i missed a important event of hers(long story) Well all summer i tried apoligizing to her and did everything to show her how much i loved her and how sorry I was. Well during this whole time she would tell me one thing one day she still loves me and wants me and then the next it would be the totally opposite. Also during this time a guy came into the picture who she was hanging out with and only a *friend* Well end of summer before she goes to school we talk and she just breaks down saying how she should have been with me all summer and regrets it now and so forth. She starts school and she asks for space which i try and give her. Well one night i get a text saying she is going out with this *friend* now and she doesnt even kno why because it should be me and her and she misses us so much. Well i give her the cold shoulder and a week later she wants to hang out and talk and ill make a long story short we ended messing around.(I stopped it after awhile because she had bf) That was in the end of October.Well she told her bf that we did that and they went on a break i guess. Well after thanksgiving after she dithed me one night we were supppose to hang out I see her at a party. She apologizes and we end up leaving to talk and end up having sex. Well we talk very little until new years then and get a random text that she wants to hang out. So i was like ok and well she ends up ditching me again. I talk to her last night for the first time in 15 days and she tells me she is back with that dude and that she no longer has feelings for me when a month ago so much was there yet. I kno i have to get over her but lately i've just felt so guilty about how bad i treated her sometimes and i constantly keep thinking what if. Hindsight 20/20 i never understood it until after. Dont get me wrong she did alot of things too that weren't right but she also cried alot of times for us trying to make up for it when i was to stupid to see it. I love her death. Everything still reminds me of her and dream about her all the time. I know i have to move on buts its just in the back of mind that she will come back like she always does. And its that thought that hurts the most that she wont. I guess i just want to hear some thoughts. Thanks
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 January 2008):
 You're right, quite often we don't see the problems we caused form our end until the damage has all ready been done. At least you have the personal responsibility to see the areas that you did, indtead of just blaming everything elsewhere.
During the healing process you need to not only recognize the areas you took part in causing the damage, but also figure out where they came from. After doing that, it's time to change those behaviors, figure better ways in dealing with frustration, so (weather with her or someone else) you don't repeat the same destructive behaviors.
I've been in the same place you're in. Years ago I lost someone who was very special in my life. What I realized as well is problems from past relationships as well caused some of the inability to recognize issues in current relationships. Such as in abuse or cheating relationships, you develop red flags that will influence problems in future relationships, even if the problem from the past doesn't repeat in the current relationship.
Just be strong and everything will end up working out for you. You'll heal, it will take time, but you can do it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): This sounds like a love affair that probably needs to end. This is a woman that you care deeply about and that you will probably always love. She will probably always love you too, however, sometimes love is not enough to keep two people together. She is obviously "growing" in a different direction, perhaps uncertain what direction that is, but understands that it is not with you. Be friends if you can, but think about yourself and do something positive with your life. You are young and will meet someone truly wonderful when you least expect it. Keep the intimacy out of your friendship. It will only serve to confuse both of you. You may hurt for a long time over this woman, but in time it will be less painful... I promise you. Take care and good luck.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (19 January 2008):
 That's a tough situation, having her lead you on then push you away back and forth all the time. But you are right about needing to move on. It sounds like, you would be better off without her. Dont take this the wrong way, but if she truly cared about you she wouldn't be dangling this other guy in your face, and instead of all this texting/changing her mind/sex she would have just sat down and said "hey i'm a sorry i love you i think we should try again" She sounds like a very divided-in-mind kind of girl and she needs to get her proirites in order. Go out. Distract yourself. Hang with your friends. TRY to forget about her. good luck.
Anne
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