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anonymous
writes: MY ex fiance treated me like cr*p but I still long for her back!I split up with my fiance of 18 months about 6 months ago following a period of arguing and lies and her finally telling me she had found someone else. Strangely I still miss her like crazy and want her back.We had a good relationship at the start - for the first 6 months, and shortly after became engaged. She was however very particular about the amount of money she wanted me to spend on a ring which was in the several thousands. This was a source of resentment for me as it appeared she was more interested in the value of the ring than what it signified.On top of this, she regularly spoke to ex partners as though they were friends, and even visited one who lived overseas. Despite being engaged she insisted on visiting him and his family alone, which was like hell for me.We rowed, but had passionate sex, and she insisted she loved me forever - now I feel cheated, but cant stop thinking about her - particularly since she is involved with someone else.I havent been in touch for months, she has sent a couple of texts but I dont know whether to try to get back in touch or not. I worry she has moved on, and I havent. I wish I could move on, but yet to find anyone I fancy as much as her, so wonder if its worth persuing. Any advice welcome!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006): The last thing you need to do is start a relationship with some other poor woman, while you are smack-dab in the middle of all this baggage, over your ex-fiancee. You are not ready . Don't even think of 'using and playing' with another woman's affections as a 'healing balm' for your pain. That is cruel and unfair to anyone who walks 'blindly' into your life. And so many people do this, with absolutely no consideration for the other person. Always, always remember one thing. One's emotions by definition can hurt us. That is why you need to treat other people's feelings tenderly and with respect. Obviously, your finacee did not do this with you and you are left feeling needy, lonely and grief-stricken. When one gives their heart and emotions in an relationship, healing from the loss does not happen overnight. You are struggling to find closure. Although, I feel compassion for your pain and do not condone her bad treatment of you.. you are a grownup..so you take care of your own emotions, choices and responses. To be blunt, it seems she has moved on and no, she isn't worth pursuing. Why? Let's look at the facts. She lied to you, she cheated, she's selfish. Any person who can do that to another, does not know how to love. In reality, you might get her back but only for the short term, but it won’t work forever. She will do it to you again. She is not a quality, good woman, dear. Do you need anymore reasons? All you two had going for each other, is the 'great sex'. Great sex is good, but it's just a teeny, small fraction of what comprises a mature, committment, solid union and the base for a life long, loving relationship. You never had this, with her, in the 1st place because deceit and love cannot exsist, side by side.
So now, you need to do the tough job of 'getting over her.' It won't be easy..it will involve pain. Take your 'heart' out of this and use some clear thinking/rationale and get your self value in check..and do the the hard work. Self worth is the internal motivator that keeps one proud, well-grounded, when one struggles with emotions running amok. Self worth keeps telling us we have pride, that we are valuable, worthwhile, and lovable. It doesn't permit others to keep walking all over our hearts. So stop measuring yourself on whether she loves you or not, love yourself enough to stand firmly in your own skin, gain some strength and get through this. Keep reminding yourself, what she did to you and never tolerate this treatment from anyone, ever again. Get out there and be with supportive family and friends who do care about you. Seek their encouragement...but please 'don't call that girl'! Do this for your own emotional well-being and stay proud. Take care, dear
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