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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 31 year old female. My boyfriend is 44, once divorced. We have been dating for 2 years. He is a wonderful man, I didn't know people like him still existed. He treats me with the most respect, very kind and understanding and great with my son. The only problem that I have is that we have a huge communication problem (from my perspective). If I need to discuss something with him that is on a deeper level than "how was your day", it often turns into an argument, which is why I am writing you instead of talking to him about this.Recently I met another man who is 38, but the communication level is much better and of much more quality than mine and my boyfriends. I have been trying to avoid this other man to save my relationship, but I can't seem to stop thinking about him. Since this other man is also a little older than me, I wonder if I have an age different problem in my current relationship, or are we just trying to be compitable when we really are not. Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): some people just find it hard to talk about feelings and thoughts..if you love him be patient with him..try a different approch when you are wanting to talk to him about deeper things see if maybe it might be the way you are coming at him with it..putting him on the defensive.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2005): My boyfriend and I argue a lot when we talk about other people's relationships or problems because we sometimes don't see eye to eye. Honestly, I'm the one always taking offense to something he may say and from there creating an argument about it. But for me, it seems to be my nature to do these things. It truly has put a strain on our relationship as we find that we argue or "disagree" (as I like to call it). He and I have a 6yr age difference so that;s nothing compared to your situation. Does this mean that the relationship is pointless? I don't think so. The communication is there, the question is do the arguments involve something that you wish there was no disagreement about. Does the argument escalate to the point where every single time you wonder why you are with this man? Is there any resolutions made afterwards? At your man's age, he may be an old pigeon stuck on his stool with little to no room for compromise or calm discussions about things that rile him up. This new guy, you say you and him don't argue, but you just met him. You've been with your man for 2 yrs. Differences in opinion are bound to spring up! Don't be fooled into thinking so quickly that you would be better off giving this other guy a chance. It's only the beginning.
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (14 October 2005):
 I know exactly what you mean! I think it may be the older men that are not as good at opening up, and therefore avoid it by turning it into an arguement. If you really love him and want it to work it out, help him through it. Dont encourage the arguements, and if you feel it coming on, go for a walk, visit a friend, dont put up with it. Afterwards when he has calmed down, then try talking to him again. Say you want it to work but he has to let you in. If you dont want anything to happen with the other guy, please stay away from him, it will only cause heartache. Best Wishesx
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