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female
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*aramala
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been dating for nine months now. We have both been in previous relationships that have lasted more then a year. His was a while ago and he still sees his ex. I have seen pictures of her and I don't think that she's prettier then me but I can't help but be jealous. Every girl he points out to be pretty always ends up resembling her in some way and not me. Should I be concerned? He says that I am more beautiful but I just can't believe it. We always get in fights because of this and I hate it.Please help find a conclusion or this will ruin my relationship!!! thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I've been dating my boyfriend for a while now. I used to feel the same way about his ex who he sees every week because of a mutual event. And I used to compare like crazy (but not with my boyfriend) It drove me nuts. I finally realized that I had to get a grip, and think a little more highly of myself. He is with you because you were confident about yourself when he met you. You never want to lose that over something that no longer exists...hence the term - "ex." She is out of the picture. This not only applies to the ex, this applies to any other girl out there. What you have to work on is your self confidence. Stop asking him to compare, because he will get sick of it. Just enjoy being together right now, or it might just slip away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): he is with you because he wants to be with you..she is an ex for a reason..all the time you are panicing about thins thing with his ex the more you will think that everyone he points out has something that reminds him and you of her..could just be your imagination running off all by itself.
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female
reader, not again +, writes (15 October 2005):
No Way! Don't even go there about his Ex!! For goodness sake, there are reasons that peoples ex's are peoples ex's and there are also big reasons whyyou don't go into your partners ex history!! If you have a strong self identity and confidence then his ex shouldnt bother you too much, but why make it so hard for you? a) talking about her and knowing more details will give you more to think/ worry/ compare yourself too and b) are there two people in your relationship or 3? Why is she evn being mentioned? Stop comparing yourself to her, there is only one of you in the world- and if that is not being celebrated then waht is wrong?
Stop talking about the ex with your boy- its not a healthy way to have a relationship. You should be focussed on the now and the future, not the past. There are qualities that she would have had which you will never have- good and bad. And likewise, you will be amazing in ways that she can never be, and you will have your own faults. Please do not try and live up to or copy someone else in order to please your boy.
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reader, pops +, writes (14 October 2005):
You can't change his behavior, but you can change your own. Why argue about this? Why not simply make a point to point out women to him that remind him of his ex? Then talk to him about what his ex gave him that he does not get from you. Be ready for some brutal truth, but how else are you going to learn what turns him on? Take it in the spirit of getting to know him better, and assure him that is why you are asking the question, and you have no other reason. Then listen and learn. I bet you can do better, and he will soon be laughing at himself when he realizes how silly it is to be thinking about his ex when he has much better times with you.
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