A
male
age
36-40,
*es
writes:I have a very low self esteem! I am very insecure of myself. I am very pessimistic. I slightly paranoid. I always think that I am always at the bottom apex; that everyone is better than me. I know I'm not good-looking. Maybe it's because of my size (I am 6" 190 lbs) that makes me so inferior about myself. I always envy other people. I try to improve myself by doing something good like being in the gym to build muscles and all but even at the gym, I feel the same feeling, I envy the guys that have their bodies toned already. I really don't know what to do. How can I regain my self confidence? How to stop this pessimism about myself.? How to change this mind set of mine? It really freaks me out! It always come out when I am alone! those thoughts!Help Me please! i know this is a personal Issue but i really need some advice!
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female
reader, Hayley...  +, writes (12 November 2014):
Hey, I know exactly how you feel. Iv struggled with it for years, sometimes it's better than others but it's so so hard and an awful feeling that no one understands. I have always been judged on my looks and have never been short of attention off men.. But I think that's why I put so much thought onto looks, as Iv never been judged on my personality. It's weird. But pleeeeeease trust me on this. Girls honestly don't care about how toned guys are.. It's all about personality and humour. If you can make a girl feel good and happy and treat her like the best thing that's ever happened to you.. Then you can get any one you want. I know it's not about being with someone.. It's about yourself. Just saying though. Hope you feel better soon and keep the gym up because if makes you feel happier and releases endorphins. Take care xx
A
male
reader, bfire  +, writes (23 June 2008):
Stop comparing yourself to the Norm! I did this for years and it didn't do ANYTHING for me, except make me depressed. I am just getting out of it, and it is hard. I still have these thoughts. "Why does that guy have a girlfriend and I don't, whats wrong with me?"
If you think having a more toned body will help you, then by all means do it. But it will take lots of persistence and focus.
You are 6' this is good, well lots of people consider it good. I am also relatively tall, 6'3", sometimes I feel too tall. But whatever go with it, it's what you got. Also it is better to be 190lbs than 400lbs and you can tone your body much easier and just worry about building muscle and sculpting yourself without loosing excess weight.
Do things that will make you feel better. Contribute to society in some way, such as helping less fortunate. Or find a hobby and become good at it, or suck at it, but enjoy it, doesn't matter.
Listen, I am 22 years old (3 months away from being 23). Haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years. I am a college student, I am a living example of "not everyone gets laid in college." I don't really like what I am studying. Still don't know who I am. 6'3" 245lbs, not fat but no six pack. I would say slim average body type. Starting to get a receding hairline. Do no sports, play no instruments. Not very social. Yadda Yadda Yadda. But guess what, what I do have is the ability to change my life if I need to. It can't happen over night, but once you realize you aren't happy with your life, do some searching until you find a way to become happy.
Self confidence will slowly increase. Confidence is greater than appearance and almost anything else. I am finding this out the slow way. It is true. I started out when I was 16 having a "I don't give a shit what people think attitude" Which worked till a point, until I realized I do care what people think, and this isn't helping find out who I am. It can be a starting block though to numb the initial presence of insecurity.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 I think it is common for people your age to not have a lot of self-confidence and a main reason for this is you are still developing and finding out who you are.
There will always be people around who appear to be better or worse!
You though, are the best you!
What are some things about you that are unique and that you like about yourself?
As for toning at the gym, you will find like everything else in life, it takes a plan and persistence to get the results you want.
When you work out and eat right consistently, you'll find yourself getting more fit.
I suggest making a gratitude list of 5 things you are grateful for each day. I do this every day and find on down days, it really does help.
Best wishes xo
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