A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend is 25 years older than me, we've been together for 4 months, we're happy age is not a problem, my problem is the fact he won't tell his ex wife or his kids! When we started seein each other we always said my mum would be the problem with such a big age gap but now she knows and is fine, all my family and friends have taken to him but I still feel like I'm a "secret" I've told him how I feel all I get is "I want to tell the lads together" or "it wasn't the right time", I was cool with that until his son came to the flat and I was hiding like a mistress, I'm not they've been spilt up for a year! How can I tell him I'm annoyed at the fact im sick of being "on the side" where his family are concerned even tho at work he is so open!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (17 June 2013):
Having dated many much older men myself, I have a feeling you might be being used! Older men LOVE younger women and are only too happy to show their lover/girlfriend off. While dating older men is fantastic and fulfilling, as younger women we are likely to get used, even more than once, by much older boyfriends. I've been there and after great sex and after few weeks or months of dating, i've been dumped with the excuse "you're a sexy girl but you need to be with someone your own age" WTF! After f**king me, you then decide i'm too young for you? But that's the nature of the game. If he was genuinely serious, he would have introduced you to his kids and family. A few of my older boyfriends have introduced me to their kids, family and friends and did'nt seem to care what anyone else thought of us with a big age gap between us. I've even had sex with my boyfriends with their kids at home and my boyfriends never seemed to mind if we could be heard having fun or not. The other possibly is, he may be sleeping around and does not want to become exclusive with one girl. Yes some older men are promiscuous and still sleep around. I've come across a few. Make sure you're not being used. Give him an ultimatum and if he does not respond to it, you'll may have to end things. But there's plenty of older men out there that would treat you well and show you off. I've dated lots of them....lol Don't let this one man make you feel awful. If he's just gotten divorced, he might just want to play the field. Sit down and have a serious chat with him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): After 4 months in a normal relationship it would be time to meet the family. However alarm bells are ringing for me as to whether it is a normal relationship. For instance, is he actually divorced and who's idea was the separation? Because if he left his wife I don't think she will be happy knowing he's now with someone half his age (smacks of mid-life crisis)He may be worried she might turn the children against him (kids don't like to see their mothers upset). He may be worried it wont last/or may not intend for it to last. As he also bought himself a sports car as an accessory to his 20something? I don't mean to sound blunt and please be assured you having to hide is disgusting and shows a great lack of respect regards your feelings.(and there holds the main alarm bell for me!) Sorry to say this but at 4 months I don't think he is showing the signs of a man committed to you or the relationship. I think you should sit him down and ask for cards to be placed on the table, then when in charge of all the facts of why he is behaving in this way can you then decide if you want to invest anymore into a relationship when it is clear he is not sharing his full life with you and is merely spending time with you! This doesn't seem like a committed relationship to me it appears more like a stop gap to help him get over the breakdown of his marriage. The unfortunate name given to women who find themselves in this type of situation is: Miss Polly Filler! (self explanatory I think as to why). Good luck and wish you all the best
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 I would be very upset too at being made to hide like a dirty secret when a family member came to visit.
He is either close to 50 or already 50 and his children are if not already grown close to it....
IF she is fully an EX wife and not just separated, then I think that it's wrong.
IF they are just separated and it's an ugly divorce, then if he's with you, it gives her grounds and that may be the issue..
so is she fully an ex and for how long?
were you in any way involved in the final death knell of the marriage?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 June 2013):
 What was the reason for his divorce? Are you positive he IS divorced and not just separated? How long was he married? How old are his children? Do you ever want children of your own?
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