A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been sleeping with this guy on and off for about 6 years when I say on and off I mean 2-3 time a year. Each time I've seen him I've fell more and more In love with him. The only problem is he's married with a kid, this is where it gets complicated. He doesn't want his wife to find out obviously but it's really hard for me to resist him even though he says he likes me. I get the impression I amJust a shag at the moment even though when were getting intimate he says things that might lead me to think otherwise. Deep down I don't think he will ever leave his wife forMe but it can't help but long for him and want him. So So so stuck at the minute. Advice and help would be great ful. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 The "Answer" to your dilemma is so clear, AND, so cliche...
YOU are enamored of him - believing (incorrectly) that he is a great guy....
HE is USING YOU... and will continue to do so for as long as you allow it....
How about dumping his sorry, cheating a$$ and finding yourself a real - and AVAILABLE - man to fall in love with?
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (24 July 2014):
Dear OP,
If you're like me, good sex will always somehow have the effect that you will feel in love. If you find the right man, it will be a gift to feel this way, because it will make you feel connected to your partner. But take care, my dear, women like us are easily used, because we can't/won't separate between sex and feelings. You need to learn how to protect yourself and also to use your head, not only your heart. Or else you will be exploited. In fact, you already are.
If this was really love from his part, there would be so much more than him calling you 2-3 times a year for sex, during 6 years and only saying he likes you. Likes. You. When a man says to a woman "I like you", it really doesn't mean much. It's ultra lame. It's like saying "it's so convenient to have you".
He does not love you, he doesn't even pretend to love you, he doesn't even make fake promises to you and make a huge effort to keep you. He is just dragging you along. Of course, during sexy times he might say beautiful things and even mean them.. for the moment. But not for the rest of the day and the rest of the week. When he is back home, he will switch off those feelings.
Also, I don't really believe it's true love from your part. Because if it was, you couldn't have waited for that long. You would have suffered too much and begged for a decision from his part way earlier. If you managed to live off 2-3 sex a year with him, and you only gradually fall in love over time, I don't think it's the real deal. You are getting used to him and feeling lonely otherwise, at least that's my gut feeling about it.
My advice is to cut all the ties with him and to "break up" this affair. You are building a dream world in your head, around this man that you can never have. Which even fuels the fantasy. It's so sad because that way, you will get older without knowing how love feels and how it feels to have a real boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (24 July 2014):
However hard you think it will be, walk away from this; it sounds as though you have put your life on hold for this guy, while he has gaily got on with his.
He doesn't love you - he may well like you, and desire you, but he doesn't love you.
If you had said that you had been seeing each other on a frequent basis (say 2-3 times a week) for the past 6 years and, just last night he blurted out that he loves you, can't live without you and he's asked his wife for a divorce because it is you and always has been you - then I might start to think a little differently.
2-3 times a year is purely recreational and absolutely no basis for you to believe any differently.
Actually, don't walk away - RUN!
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 As much as you love him and want to believe the relationship is different, all woman that are in a marital affair believe they are different. But 99% of the affairs remain just what it is as he will never leave his wife and kid to be with you.
You will continue to try and be the perfect woman for him but the status of the relationship will never change. Men in most instances does not have the balls to walk out off their comfort zone and leave the woman battered and bruised.
It will be difficult to get out of the affair but not impossible and yes you will hurt and cry and wish things are different but you need to come to terms that he will never be yours.
You can move on and will move on once you accept that you are being used and that you deserve better than being someone peace on the side.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): "Just a shag at the moment"?! It's been SIX YEARS! How much more "at the moment" are you willing to be?Falling for him is BS because you know in your heart he'd have left his wife already if he wanted you, or at the very least, didn't want her.Think of it this way, if your future child was in this situation, what would you tell them to do? Personally, I'd tell them "think of that poor child of his that has a jerk for a father and you don't care enough to refuse to be the other woman in the picture." I'd lose all faith in them until they cleaned up their act and started behaving like a respectful adult again.What's he supposed to say when you're giving him what he wants: "hmm, my lovely wife is better. Ooh, I love my kid"?! Of course he'll tell you what you want to hear.Don't you deserve better for yourself? Just cut all contact and hope you never end up on the receiving end of the same thing you and this guy are doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): you know what you have to do, chances are he'll not leave his family for you and will continue to use you for sex, while you fall even more in love with someone who won't give you anything back, emotionally I mean. OP I know this you'll be terribly difficult for a while but you have to cut all contact at once, otherwise the more time you waste on this "relationship" the more hurt you'll be and you deserve to be with someone who gives you more than a few hours of his time, more than sex.
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A
female
reader, fitbabe1987  +, writes (24 July 2014):
of course he is going to tell u things to make u believe he likes u. U are a sex object to him and thata all u will ever be. If he.wantrd u he would have left his wife. He probably has u, and 10 other ladis on the side as well as hes wife. dont be a home wrecker. His poor wife.. Stop messing with a married man, and move on wiTh ur life. He doesnt love u and never will..
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