A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive met a guy I really like through an online dating site , weve been on a few dates and get on really well hes texted me loads to say he really likes me but then he had some bad health news he wont tell me what so fair enough ,he knows it wont bother me as he had a stroke and it didnt me off he said he cant really have a relationship right now so I said think about it this has been about 2 week and hasn't said yes or no but we have been on another date since , whats messing with my head he says he cant have a relationship yet hes still on this dating site chatting to other women as he messaged my friend whos also on (he hasn't met her) but shes not replied as she knows ive been on dates with him , I feel hes just keeping me at arms length and just incase he cant find anyone better. do I say I know hes still searching for dates and risk losing a friend (if we don't have a relationship) or should I just ask him out and say I want us to be an official couple can he decide if this is what he wants , he also said it was fate we came into each others lives I am careful and know most men tell a woman what she wants to hear im not a door mat and don't fall for this , so do I ask him to be official or leave him to drag this out and it might not come to anything and wasted my time.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 Why ask him to be official? He already said he doesnt want a relationship, at least not with you. Sounds like hes online to get his ego stroked, and possibly get something else stroked too, without commitment.
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 No I wouldn't say anything to him about it. You will seem bitter and like you care and are hurt, he won't be impressed thinking you are smart to pick up on it. He wasn't exactly hiding anything. The best way to go is to pretend to not care. He isn't worth your thoughts or time. Definitely not worth the effort to call him out. You look best and come out looking like a better person for letting it go. If he tries to talk to you keep it simple with "no thank you, I'm not interested". No anger, just a simple uncaring statement. Being indifferent can burst his bubble. He didn't get to you and damn sure didn't hurt you. Calling him out builds his ego like he got to you. Don't let him have the satisfaction.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): been on about 9 dates with him only slept with him twice so it wasn't all about sex . ok so I don't officially ask him to be a couple im past that but do u think I should say hes been caught out lying saying hes ill n not looking but hes messaged my mate and hes always online just to show hes not pulled the wool over my eyes so to speak
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (24 July 2014):
Absolutely DO NOT demand an official relationship with him. You will only embarrass yourself. He said he doesn't want a relationship with you. He blamed it on health blah blah. It's crap. He doesn't want something serious with you. He got what he wanted and now he's backed off and is looking for other women.
He can't make it any more clear than he has. He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and is still on the dating site chatting up other people. Stop dwelling on the words he said at first about fate and BS, pay attention to his actions. If you are still going on dates from time to time and sleeping with him you need to stop. He won't commit and will only use you. I wouldn't bother calling him out or being angry, just decline any future dates he plans and find someone who does want to be in a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, Mistresskiki +, writes (24 July 2014):
He sounds as though he's playing you; I met a guy on a dating site and he did pretty much the exact same things.
I would, personally, drop him completely and move on. There is every possibility that if you keep him as a 'friend' he'll see you as a contingency for when he doesn't have any other options.
Don;t do it nastily, simply stop messaging him and leave him to his own devices. Don't drag it out, though as that can lead to you being strung along when you could be using your time finding someone who does want to commit. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 When a man says he can't have a relationship yet, you gotta believe him. The dating site is for him to explore fantasies with women, and to pass time when he's bored. He's prepared to let you go. He doesn't even expect you to hang on to him. Let him talk to other women. Not all men who are deceitful. In this case it does sound like he's incapable of holding a relationship. He was indeed honest with you, although he is free to talk to other women and daydream. His affairs with women only last until they know of his health condition. Until then he has a right to talk and say sweet things to people and go on dates. You don't have to wait for him. He is expecting you to find a guy who can give you what you need. No need to put defenses up. You had a good time for the last two dates. You can move on without any explanation or questions.
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