A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm 18 and single because every time i ask a girl out i just freeze, she then asks if i'm ok, so i lie to her and say "i'm fine, just forget it" and walk off, i feel like such a failure and it's tearing me apart on the inside, how can i be more confident on the approach ad actually be able to talk to a girl and hold a conversation because this is making me depressed, frustrated and very aggressive towards friends.
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female
reader, dazedbymaxxie +, writes (1 June 2009):
honestly, i absolutely love it when guys stumble over their words when they try and ask me or my friends out
it's actually really endearing and sweet so don't beat yourself up about it, and even if you think it's going to sound stupid just ask, because it's not stupid at all. shy guys are the most honest and it will mean a lot to whoever you are trying to ask out, i promise you
go for it next time, you won't regret it x
A
male
reader, tenfold  +, writes (1 June 2009):
try this next time.
when you start freezing, just try your best to ask her out then after that tell her that you are nervous when asking her out. She might find u funny n cute and probably she will agree to go out with you.
Best of luck.
Do reply with the outcome. This will greatly help out those agony aunts
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Instead of straight off asking them out, talk to them, have a conversation with them-actually engage them in what you're saying-don't just ask her out, I'd find that quite offputting actually if a guy just did that-I'd like to know someone a little better before agreeing, maybe that's why you're getting turned away, maybe it's also the girls you choose? Be witty but words aren't everything-apparently body language is what is the most attractive. Have confidence, shoulders back, stand up straight and maintain EYE CONTACT! Hold their gaze, that is what is going to attract them. It's extremly attractive and subtle flirting. Smile too! That is big in my books!
Best of luck and don't worry, the right girl will come along, just persevere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Maybe you could try rehearsing the scenario in your head. Practice what you would like to say, and visualise yourself going up to a girl you like and confidently asking her out.
Or if it is really difficult, why not just try having a general conversation, and leave asking her out until another time? If you get to know the girl better, then at a later date you will probably feel more comfortable, and it will be easier to ask if she would like to go out sometime.
What would be the worst thing that could happen if you asked a girl out? If that happened, could you deal with it? I'm sure you could. And it probably wouldn't even seem that bad anyway. It depends on whether you think it is worth taking that risk. If so...then go for it, and good luck! x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 June 2009):
You've just got to do it once and then you'll be fine.
Do you have any female friends? If you could talk to them about this and get a girl's perspective on it all this could help you a lot.
You've just got to take a deep breath and say the words "Could I take you out for a meal some time?" repeat them a few times to yourself before you ask her out and then when you feel like you are going to freeze... you just have to blurt it out.
It can sometimes help to imagine yourself as you'd like to be: a cool guy who is just asking a girl out. No big deal. Imagine him and then just pretend to be him. Act. If it gets you through that first scary bit then do it.
You can be yourself and go and throw up after she says yes!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (1 June 2009):
 just think of it as being friends not asking out.
just got up say hello ask how they are and gradually it'll come out.
i mean if the girls are approachable.
don't beat yourself up about it.
you're just a little shy and probably afraid of rejection but seriously don't be.
it happens to us all.
:)
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, lkthinh  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Hi there,
I'm not an expert in this area either, however I think I can somehow help you with this, not by any tricks, but by changing your attitude and self-belief.
The key thing lies in the self-talk, the way you talk to yourself and convince yourself. Because you think negatively, you will end up nowhere. You are what you think, period!
Talk and think positively. You probably have heard this so so many times but to be able to actually do it, it takes great patient to just put one step forward, cross the self-conscious border.
To do this, you may want to think of anything about you that you are proud of, think of what you do very good at etc. From those points, boost your self-esteem. The girl will not be able to do those things that you are good at. She, hence, will be the one who is selected by you to hang out with. You are now on the upper hand, not someone who begging her for a date.
In case you are a real nerd (sorry) then you should participate in some extra-curricular or learn something like dancing or musical instrument. Something you like. Put your effort in there. Then you shall feel completely confident in front of people because in your mindset, you are doing what others could not.
You also may want to check out David DeAngelo newsletter. Search him on Google.
I really think it's time to change your attitude, mate.
Good luck fighting with your weak self.
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A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 With practice you can do it.
Start practicing with women you are not trying to pick up, especially women who are expecting to talk with you, like sales girls and check out ladies in shops, or waitresses. See if you can start a short conversation beyond what you have to say. Try to tell a joke or pay them a compliment without having them fell awkward. End the conversation on a good note and leave them smiling and feeling good.
When you can do this more often than not, try it with women who is not expecting you to talk with them, like the women behind you in a queue, or waiting at the bus stop. When you can do this, go back to asking a girl out. Start it the same way you have been to get the conversation going. Tell you self at the start you don’t have to go through with the asking out part. Just get a pleasant conversation going. Then, during a pause, I think you will find it naturally to slip into “So, I was wondering what you were doing this Friday night?”
You can also watch other guys talking to women, and see if you can pick up any pointers.
Good luck and hope this helps.
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