A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been meeting up with this guy for a month now, with both have issues on either side which is making it hard for us to both be together as a normal couple, he has kids i have a boyfriend, we text, email meet up once a week, my feelings have got stronger for him and i can't stop thinking about him, I know i shouldnt be doing this but i can't stop from speaking or seeing him, if we get together then he has problems with his ex, so im not sure if i should drop this before everyone gets hurt! My feelings are just so messed up!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): You don't mention the feelings you have for your boyfriend, but you must still have at least as strong feelings for him as you do the new friend else there would be no dilemma. It must be a very common situation you're in.
Someone is bound to "get hurt", they usually do, thats relationships. You could just do nothing and forget the new guy but then you might end up the one being hurt along the lines of "why did I let him go" etc etc.
Obviously the choices you have are threefold, stay put, split up, or have an affair.
The last of these is probably the most difficult for everyone, but you might get away with satisfying your curiosity whilst retaining what you've got.
The fact that you've seeing this guy behind your bf back would maybe suggest you should split up. It sounds like that is what this guy is trying to do (ie steal you) but can you really trust him?
Dunno really, these dilemmas suck, but would urge against rash action. Why not wait a few weeks see how you feel, or split up but don't see this new guy untill you've moved on a bit.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Hi,
Sorry to say but you have a boyfriend...what you are doing is not very nice...it has been going on for a month now and that is way too long to lie to someone who I am sure really loves you and cares for you.
This guy has kids, plus an ex who will get upset if you two get together?? have you forgotten that your boyfriend will get upset as well??
Chicka....my suggestion is this. Give up the boyfriend with the kids and the ex who has her own issues. You either forget the past month happened and concentrate on your own boyfriend or come clean to him and see how it goes.
Having a boyfriend and a boyfriend isn't quite a stress free life.
Ana
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Would the ex just have a problem with you seeing him or any other women seeing him???
Very few people remain friends after a divorce and if you date a person who has an ex, it is to be expected that there will be some problems.
What really concerns me is that you are cheating on your boyfriend. So either you ditch the boyfriend and put up with the new guy and his ex and his kids or you put your energy towards sorting out your current relationship.
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