A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've never had a girl friend. I'm so desperate to get one. I just wanna be loved. I see my mates in relationships over 3years and they are so lucky to have someone care for them. They have the looks i don't. But i do have a good personality, i've changed myself to be caring, kind, funny, manly. But still i suck! What could i be doin wrong? Every girl i like rejects me! Puts me down gently!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPma male reader, fantastic response. Also thanks to lilgirly. Great reply.
It often happens that people like listenin to what they want to be listenin to! But its not the truth. You guys state the truth which ye make come across as harsh or slap in my face but none the less can help me rather than give me false hope.
So thanks for the brilliant replies
A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Your problem is everything about you. You live in a world where you think things operate one way where they really operate the opposite way. I know from personal experience and from the experience of my friends.
I'm going to try and shatter a few of your beliefs, but I don't really know if my words will have the strength required to do so.
"i've never had a girl friend."
Never having a gf is not that bad a thing. Sure the relationship experience is a great thing, but being single can be fun.
"I'm so desperate to get one. I just wanna be loved."
Desperation is not sexy man. Plain and simple. Just wanting to be loved = neediness, also not sexy. It's psychologically draining to anyone who comes in contact with you.
"They have the looks i don't. But i do have a good personality, i've changed myself to be caring, kind, funny, manly."
Looks don't matter. I'm not sure if that point is clear enough so let me try again: LOOKS DO NOT MATTER. I wonder if I can make my font bigger or something. Anyway, looks DO NOT matter. It is largely your personality a woman is interested in. Being caring, kind and funny are great things...IN MODERATION. Too much caring and you're over-compensating for inner neediness. Being too kind makes it look like you're weak and unwilling to stand your ground. Too funny and you're a goof ball; ask a clown when the last time he had gf was. You need to moderate these things into what it means to be a man, which brings me to your claim of being manly. Looking for someone to "take care of you" and "love you" is not being manly.
A man is self-sustaining and does not need a surrogate mother (which is what you're essentially looking for). A man looks for women to become his lovers.
"But still i suck! What could i be doin wrong?"
Also, being negative, also not sexy. The question here is not what you're doing wrong, but what are you doing right? You, as far as I can tell, are an energy vampire. You want a sweet, beautiful, loving girl to come into your life to give up her time and energy to care, mother and nurture you which essentially translates to you sucking the energy the forms the blood of her life.
I know that I'm coming off as harsh but that's because I'm trying to. I was no different than you before I learnt all the things I've just written and more. There's a great book written by Frank B Kermit that you can buy off lulu.com called "Everything Out of Her Mouth is a TEST" and I think it's a good place for you to start fighting these inner demons of yours.
Feel free to contact me for some slightly gentler advice if you so desire.
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A
male
reader, PM +, writes (4 November 2007):
Your problem is everything about you. You live in a world where you think things operate one way where they really operate the opposite way. I know from personal experience and from the experience of my friends. I'm going to try and shatter a few of your beliefs, but I don't really know if my words will have the strength required to do so."i've never had a girl friend."Never having a gf is not that bad a thing. Sure the relationship experience is a great thing, but being single can be fun."I'm so desperate to get one. I just wanna be loved."Desperation is not sexy man. Plain and simple. Just wanting to be loved = neediness, also not sexy. It's psychologically draining to anyone who comes in contact with you. "They have the looks i don't. But i do have a good personality, i've changed myself to be caring, kind, funny, manly."Looks don't matter. I'm not sure if that point is clear enough so let me try again: LOOKS DO NOT MATTER. I wonder if I can make my font bigger or something. Anyway, looks DO NOT matter. It is largely your personality a woman is interested in. Being caring, kind and funny are great things...IN MODERATION. Too much caring and you're over-compensating for inner neediness. Being too kind makes it look like you're weak and unwilling to stand your ground. Too funny and you're a goof ball; ask a clown when the last time he had gf was. You need to moderate these things into what it means to be a man, which brings me to your claim of being manly. Looking for someone to "take care of you" and "love you" is not being manly. A man is self-sustaining and does not need a surrogate mother (which is what you're essentially looking for). A man looks for women to become his lovers."But still i suck! What could i be doin wrong?"Also, being negative, also not sexy. The question here is not what you're doing wrong, but what are you doing right? You, as far as I can tell, are an energy vampire. You want a sweet, beautiful, loving girl to come into your life to give up her time and energy to care, mother and nurture you which essentially translates to you sucking the energy the forms the blood of her life. I know that I'm coming off as harsh but that's because I'm trying to. I was no different than you before I learnt all the things I've just written and more. There's a great book written by Frank B Kermit that you can buy off lulu.com called "Everything Out of Her Mouth is a TEST" and I think it's a good place for you to start fighting these inner demons of yours. Feel free to contact me for some slightly gentler advice if you so desire.
...............................
A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 hey,
you will be just fine make the girls chase you and that is by plauing hard to get( don't pay her any attention and don't show her you real feelings) and you will see soonner or later that you are the one who is gonna be rejecting her:D.
bye XXX take care and tell us what happens .
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A
female
reader, goldilocksNZ  +, writes (4 November 2007):
I'm about to tell you the most paradoxical thing you can do... just ignore the girls you like. It sounds stupid, but hear me out. I bet that you're a fantastic guy and would treat any girl that you care about like a queen, but unfortunately, your type will never be fully appreciated until you get into your 20's. It's happened to all of my guy mates, and believe me... these guys that never got girls in high school have to beat them off with a stick now. I know that it doesn't help for the time being, but believe me it'll all come around.For the time being, girls your age don't really want stability (they say they do), we live for the chase. Think about all the guys that get girls, even your mates... a lot of them are called assholes by girls. Are they really? Probably not all the time... but they probably still continue to get girls. That doesn't mean you should treat girls poorly, but give them a little bit of a chase. If there's a girl you like, you probably want to do all you can for her and be nice to her... that's great but she'll see you as a friend because she knows she can have you and she will always want what she can't have. Put a little spin on it... next time you get in a conversation with a girl you like, end it abruptly (I gotta run and meet up with some mates or go play footie) and tell her you'll call her later. Don't call her that night... even if she's mildly interested, she'll be dying to know why you didn't call (there's actually whole articles in women's magazines devoted to these questions from beautiful, rational women dying to know why he didn't call 27 seconds after he said he would). Don't string it out too long, call her the next day or the day after... the point is leave her wondering.If you go out with a mutual group of friends, be sure to give her little smiles but don't overtly pay her too much attention. Give her one (and only one) truly sincere compliment (You look great in that outfit, etc) Talk a little bit with other girls but not too much to make her furiously jealous, you just want to fan the flames a little bit. After a bit of this if she doesn't outright come on to you or have one of her friends find out what's going on, ask her if she wants to meet sometime (make it vague) and get her number. Don't call immediately. Even after you get the girl, you always want her to be wanting more, so play it cool. I know it's probably hard at first because all girls say that they want a sweet, fun guy (eg- YOU), but you have to play a little hard to get before they can appreciate the real qualities you have to offer.
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