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Ever since this guy made a provocative statement to me in the bar, I dream of having sex with him! How do I act around him..now?

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Question - (5 February 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2007)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

So I was at a bar with my husband my girlfriend and her husband (all mutual friends) and I know he has “checked me out” before and of course it is always flattering but in one of those he leaned over and said to me “if you don’t stop showing me your legs, I am going to have to go to the bathroom and take care of business”. I was flabbergasted and didn’t know how to react. I looked at my husband and his wife and no one seemed to have heard him. I started to think this man must have been drunk to tell me this, and then he got up and went to the restroom. Before he opened the door he turned around and looked straight at me. I actually didn’t mind, but maybe I was too drunk too. I seem to have enjoyed him leaning over and telling me so bluntly what he felt and then actually going to the restroom. If he “took care of business” I don’t know, but now I can’t stop think of having sex with him. I never thought this of him before and after last night I can not seem to stop thinking these things. I think to myself is he an animal in bed, and the other night his wife had told me he left her sore. I don’t think I was being provocative. They do say ppl true feeling come out when your drunk, do you think he has thought of me sexually before? How should I act around him now?

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A male reader, Blue Rat United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

I'm not surprised you've been fantasising like mad. It was clearly an electrifying and quite frankly a downright horny experience. And its forbidden nature only adds further spice. I'll bet he's been fantasising about you quite a lot since then too. No wonder his wife is sore! However, there's a big difference between fantasising, which is harmless and without consequence, and acting on those fantasies, which of course could have enormous consequences. You're both married, so there's a lot at stake. If you act on these strong feelings, it is of course understandable, but very dangerous too. Think carefully - a lot of people could get hurt.

By the way, I don't agree with the anonymous male posting. This guy is not a "dirty drunk letch" I hate demonising pious sanctimony like that. And repeating "I love my husband" like some mantra is not going to make any difference and magically inculcate that behaviour into you, either.

You both acted on the basic instinct of attraction. So far harmlessly. It's up to you whether it stays that way.

Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007):

this man behaved really badly, he was drunk but still no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

tread carefully here, think whats at stake, your marriage, his marriage and your friendship. is all that worth it because some dirty drunk letch said something he shouldnt have?

sort your mind out and do what you know you should, concentrate on your love for your husband. every time you find yourself thinking of this letch say 'i love my husband'

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (5 February 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntTreading on dangerous waters here, girl.

Now, I don't think it's wrong that you're having sexy thoughts about this guy. Let's face it - if someone (even a friend's husband) said something like that to me, I might be having fantasies too. However, you need to make sure you stay clear of doing anything with this guy. I'd say if this is the only incident that has happened between you two, let it go. Write it off as a stupid, drunken mistake on his part.

If it happens AGAIN, it's time to tell him to lay off. Even if you're sort of intrigued and you want to sleep with him, that will cause so much hurt and drama for everyone involved... it won't be worth it.

Don't egg him on. It'll only make things worse.

xxIndia

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A female reader, happytots United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2007):

happytots agony aunthi there, firstly i think you should be careful, u dont want to go and make the wrong decision. does ur husband know anything about it now? if he doesnt, i think that u should concentrate on him, unless its what u want u want to feel like.

maybe you could ask him this bloke when your both sober how he feels about you, and take it from there. think about anything u decide to do. let me know how u get on. x x

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