A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my best guy friend and I got really drunk and had sex one night. He doesn't remember a thing, but ever since then he's been acting weird. Before I go any further I think I should give some background information:Before the sex, we were as close as you could get - we were as close to dating as you can get without actually dating. He was always there for me, and constantly reminding me of how much he loved me, and vice versa. Honestly, I was just WAITING for him to ask me out.After, he was really hot and cold. One minute it would be like old times, the next he would freak out and not answer my phone calls or texts, was afraid to touch me, etc., etc. AND, he basically Facebook stalks me. He has my page bookmarked on his iPhone AND computer and he's always on my page. I'm really confused...I never really let him know that I was "in love" with him and he seemed pretty oblivious so I don't think that he knew I felt that way - believe me. So I don't know what it could possibly be. It's getting a little better - he actually said he loved me again today - but it still doesn't feel right. I've tried talking to him about this whole situation but he doesn't want to talk about it. What should I do? I really just want to know exactly how he feels about me and if we're ever going to be okay again, but I don't know how to approach him since he doesn't want to talk about it. What should I do? Any help at all would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): Are you 100% sure he is not gay? Many times, the best guy friends are gay guys, in which case he could love you, and he would be very conflicted about having sex with you...
A
male
reader, Digiman  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 tux is right: sex changes things! Unfortunately it isn't always easy to make the change from best friends to sexual intimacy. Obviously he's having problems making adjustments to how he views your relationship with him...I wouldn't be too worried though, if you really were such close friends before, then very likely he'll find a comfortable "place" with you again(you even said it's getting a little better)...but it may, or may not, include sexual intimacy. You'll both just have to work it out...Give him some time to "process" this, continue to _gently_ encourage him to share what he's feeling with you, but don't feel bad if it doesn't "feel right" for awhile...it'll take time, but from the sound of it, he'll come around.Finally: have YOU decided how YOU feel about what happened? What do YOU want to happen from here (i.e. do you want to go back to being best friends without intimacy, or do you want to add that intimacy to your relationship)? Make sure you know what you want also(!) and share those thoughts/feelings with him...Good luck!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Sex changes things... you can make believe that it doesn't, but it does... sometimes for good sometimes for bad... but often things will never go back to what it was... You may just need this stage of his to pass by through. I'm not sure bringing it up much will help because it may just bring up the awkwardness he is feeling.
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