A
male
age
51-59,
*71
writes:My girlfriend (age 34) went out to a nightclub with her girlfriend the other night. Since she returned she has not stopped receiving text messages.I finally did the unthinkable and pinched her cellphone and took a look. Sure enough, there is a new contact who is sending her messages "I want to hear your voice." etc.What do I do???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): dump her.
A
male
reader, R71 +, writes (13 March 2008):
R71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the replies...!I did nothing and it's paying off. I am certain that the texts have slowed down. Before even reading the replies, I had decided the only way forward was to show her what she would miss out on if she put our relationship in peril. This means, I pulled myself together and started being fun, more supportive and considerate than I have been recently.This happened during what has been a difficult period for both of us (financial woes) and I realise that it is at those times that a relationship becomes most vulnerable.I hope this will all work out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I would say nothing yet. Watch. Wait. She is going to make a decision. She doesn't know you know. What a person does when they think no one will know reveals their character. Personally I think the fact that she added this guy to her contact list is bad. She is being pretty bold here, almost like she doesn't care if you know. "I want to hear your voice" is definitely a thing a guy says to a girl he is hitting on. She has not discouraged this yet.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (12 March 2008):
How long have you been together?When was the last time you told her you wanted to hear her voice or sent her romantic texts? Having a guy chasing her might be a huge self esteem boost.Rather than blowing up at her, make her see that no other guy compares to you. If you shout at her then you'll push her further away.Take her out to clubs and have fun with her.However, having said all that, there is nothing wrong with innocently asking her who a text is from when her phone goes off. Make a joke about her other secret boyfriends and give her a huge hug and tell her you love her.If you make yourself a good boyfriend, then she will come back to you and give this other texting guy the flick. Good Luck x
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Do not raise it with her. This is always a mistake to react immediately. You only confront when you have strong evidence of wrongdoing. You don't have that. You watch and observe. If you raise it - you'll almost certainly get fobbed off - she then decides whether to ditch him - or carry on but more secretively. The problem is that it is much harder for you to prove.
If you do nothing - she doesn't behave so secretly - and you are then able to tell whether this is a fling of some sort , or just some guy thats chasing her. How she handles it will be interesting for you - it will tell you how loyal she is to you. Useful if you have or planning to commit more to this girl. Also if you raise it - then you give away that you have been snooping - could backfire on you.
Right now, nobody knows whats going on. See what happens.
See if she wants to go out again without you!!! Or she might be dealing with this guy in her own way - hoping he will fizzle out. Play it cool - do not confront. When and only when - you have something to confront about can you take this course of action.
So - don't say anything, but observe and learn and choose your moment - or confront, lose your advantage, be accused of not trusting etc - and be none the wiser.
Hope it all goes well though, Richard
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Easy, ask her. O.k so you snooped but you can answer her questions about trusting her when she tells you who this guy is.
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 I would confront her. Apologize for snooping but demand that she explain to you who this guy is and why he wants to hear her voice. Whether you were right or wrong for checking her phone you deserve an explanation. There maybe a good explanation behind what you saw but you will never know unless you ASK. Not accuse her of cheating just simply ASK.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Sunset is basically right. Even if you hadn't have looked at her stuff the answer I would give would be to talk to her about it; I think if you dont then it is always going to be at the back of your mind where it will eat away at you until you have some sort of row and you confront her in what will inevitably be the wrong frame of mind and things will only get worse from there on in.
Keep an open mind until you have heard her side; just because she is receiving text messages does not necessarily mean that she is replying and/or encouraging him. Is there anything odd about her behaviour? Is she being distant??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Be brave and strong and ask her outright about it. Sorry, but i would. You might not hear the answer that you want to, so be prepared. If you just want to float along as if nothing is happening then dont ask about it and stop looking at her stuff. But we all look at our partners things and therefore you have seen it and need an answer. Tackle it today.
take care
xx
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