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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been in this relationship for 6 years now. He claims he fell in love with me the moment he saw me and has wanted to marry me ever since. After a few years he went to another country to pursue his studies. I missed him terribly and decided to follow him. We had terrible fights and I decided to come back and told him it was up to him to stay or come back but I would end the relationship if he decided on the former. When I came back his best friend and I began to hang out a lot. We became very close and realised that we were similar in several ways. He ended up falling in love with me and asked me to marry me(without my boyfriend's knowledge).My boyfriend came back and due to certain things I had to tell him that his friend had begun to like me. His friend and he had a confrontation and ended things between them. The first time that my boyfriend and I made out after he got back midway I cried (in front of him) because I felt as though I had cheated on his friend (although he and I were never physically involved). I broke up with my boyfriend and ended my friendship with the other guy because i couldn't take the mess any longer. My friend asked me to take a break from both the guys.. advice I should've heeded! unfortunately I didn't... I called my boyfriend after a few days and we got back together. Ever since we got back together he's been making lot of efforts.We're getting married very soon. Now I feel like I'm actually in love with his friend. I miss him terribly. We haven't met for months now. At times when I'm with my boyfriend I think of his (ex) friend and become quiet. It's too late, I can't cancel the wedding and embarrass my parents. There are just too many people involved now.I think I chose my boyfriend because I've a very strong bond with him since we've been together so long. Although I've never thought he's 'the one' for me. With time I began to love him. But now there's no love, just attachment.Both his friend and I were never really looking for 'the one' till we met each other and realised we are meant for each other.His friend says he still loves me and still wants to marry me and believes one day I'll come back to him. I don't know what to do. At times I think I'll leave it all up to fate. If his friend and I are meant to be together we will be in the future. Then I fear what if life plays a cruel joke on me and even though we're meant to be together we're not?At times I feel like I've made the right decision... then the next I feel I'm dying inside. How do I begin a marriage this way? How do I live knowing I'm not with the one I should be with?
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a break, best friend, broke up, fell in love, got back together, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): You say it yourselve, or rather you don't say it. In your entire post you not once claim you have feelings for your fiancee, except for missing him in the beginning.Geez, I miss my cat, but that don't mean I am going to marry it.On the other hand, why did you then keep coming back to this guy?What is it that made you accept? Pressure?Or do you love him but have a rather severe case of cold feet perhaps even a need to self-destruct this relationship?Basically, get out of both relationships end examine exactly what it is you want out of life. You can pick either guy BUT you can ONLY have one, I think you are unwilling to decice because that means YOU have to take responsibilty for your own actions where as now you can just blame fate. Sorry, fate didn't make you accept his proposal or chase him. What did?
A
female
reader, Chippy2  +, writes (12 March 2008):
I wasted 15 yrs with the wrong man because I was embarrassed to cancel the wedding - Let me tell you - THERE IS NO GETTING THE TIME BACK! I will suffer the rest of my life from the things I chose - Please dont marry either until you are sure - That is the only thing that is fair to all involved!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Why don't you invite ur fiances ex friend to the wedding and just don't say I do when the priest starts asking those questions say I don't and walk over to the one you love and take his hand and just run out of the church with him.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Does your family know about this other man? Your relatives only want to see you happy, and you should be doing the marriage for you, not for anyone else. Don't waste your life pleasing others!If you really don't want to cancel a wedding, just swap the grooms ;p.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Only you can know whether you're just confused because of the attention the other guy gave you, or you really love him and not your boyfriend. So the decision is yours.
You do seem very reluctant to marry your boyfriend. You don't say that you will marry him because you love your boyfriend, but because there are many people involved. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to cancel a wedding, but it seems to me this is what you should do. Your boyfriend deserves to marry someone who loves him. If you don't love him, let him find someone who will. If I were him, that's what I would want you to do. The ceremony and the embarrassment would be far less important than hopes that won't become true.
Make sure that you marry because you love him, not because you're afraid of cancelling the wedding or what the future may have for you.
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