A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a slight bind here. Looking for some wisdom regarding event etiquette.Ok, which event should i attend?My fiance and I area marrying in September. Part of the premarital requirement is going through the sacrament of confirmation which he is doing April 28th. WE are living between San Francisco (me) and Los Angeles (him) for another few months till I move down to L.A. Initially, up until three days ago he had told me his confirmation was on April 29th at a church in LA. He made a mistake, its actually April 28th. The whole family plus some friends are coming - there will be a big dinner after.I however, promised a friend from work 3 months ago that I'll attend her baby shower on April 28th in San Francisco :S I have not RSVP yet. I have not attended a baby shower before, so I was excited about it and of course, will like her to attend my bridal shower later this summer too.Initially I was to attend the baby shower on the 28th, catch a flight in the evening and be there for his confirmation on the 29th. Of course, he is always #1 in my books and family events trump any other events, but I feel horrible telling her I can't come. I feel like I can't commit to a promise I made.What is the etiquette regarding such situations? Relationship commitment vs commitment to friend/coworker?? Help!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I agree that old fashioned etiquette would state you attend the baby shower, but... I think it is more important to be at your husband's confirmation.
Tell your friend your soon to be husband is a knucklehead. And drop by with a present for the baby before you take off to L.A.
If she is a good friend she will understand.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 April 2012):
 call your friend and explain that your bonehead fiance got the date wrong and you have to be there for his confirmation on the same date.
tell her how sorry you are....
I HATE baby showers. I don't believe in them and I have had many friends that have had babies and I refused to attend the shower...they actually are against the Jewish Religion (you do not celebrate the birth of a child until the child is born)
she'll understand. I am sure of it...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Technically speaking you would be obliged to attend the FIRST invitation you accepted , the baby shower, as you promised. It's surely not your friend's fault if your bf gets his dates mixed up and does not keep proper track of his social committments.
But , common sense should always prevail over just etiquette. I bet that if you call your friend and explain her what happened , she will be totally understanding and supportive, she will realize that in this case the confirmation is a big family event, both for religious and social reasons, and that your future in laws expect you to be there and if you don't show up they'd probably be very disappointed and maybe offended too- not a good thing to do to your future husband's family so shortly before the wedding.
I am sure she will understand and won't mind. So thank her for the invitation, apologize for not going, and... send her a very nice present :) it will be fine.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 April 2012):
 In the old days etiquette was that the invitation you accepted first was given priority.
But then there is also precedence. And in the scheme of things his event is far far more important to him and to your future. To not attend would be a huge insult to your man.
There will be many more baby showers.
But only one event like this and just once for your fiance. If your girlfriend is a really good friend she will understand that you man and a big family event comes first.
Make sure you send a lovely basket to the baby shower. Ask if lots of photos can be taken.
But do not absent yourself from this big family occasion, And attend your fiance's event with good grace. Without any mention of what you gave up to attend your fiance's event.
In this instance Family should come first. Your guy will remember that you put him first.
When your friend has her second baby make sure you attend that one.
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 do u really have to ask? ur husband of course. !! simply explain to ur friend that u got the dates wrong , and have to support ur husband. she will understand. xx
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