A
female
age
30-35,
*ccmal6
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months and overall our relationship has been amazing, he's 29 and I'm 23. We're basically living together, he has his own place and works 60 hours a week. I love that he is so responsible. I am currently finishing up my nursing degree and have a job on the side. We are interested in all of the same things: Cars, outdoors, working out, art, etc. I couldnt have found a person to get along better with, when it comes to interest. We laugh all the time and usually try to make the best out of a situation, but there are a few inncidents that make me wonder if I should be worried.First, in the beginning of the relationship (before things got serious) I told my boyfriend that later in life the two things i want is marriage and kids, whether it be with him or not. I know I was blunt but I dont want to waste my time getting to know someone and falling in love if they dont share the same wants. Also, i would never want to change a person, so if he didn't i would just go on my way and we could be friends. Well he told me, "I'm not against the idea of both of them." So i decided to continue the relationship and throughout the relationship, we have talked about these things and I haven't been 100% happy with the answers I got. When talking about kids, he says that he doesnt know if he wants them, because he cant stand misbehaved kids. Also, because he works hard he has goals of expensive things he wants to buy and he doesnt feel like having kids would allow him to do that. So I was kinda irritated, because I just want him to be honest. But then there are times where he will says things like, "I bet if I had a daughter, I would be really protective" and "Do you think you would have stretch marks if you got pregnant" or even he will feel my stomach and say theres a baby. (when theres really not). So he is very confusing.Another thing is about marriage. We've kinda talked about how he feels on the subject and he has told me that he doesnt really believe in it because he feels that it ruins a great relationship. (He is compaing it to numerous friends of his experiences). And i see where he's coming from, but i want (one day, with someone) that promise forever and that unconditional love. So again I was irritated because it seems that he doesnt truly believe in marriage. But there will be times where he will say things like, "why do you believe in it" and ill give him my response and he'll kinda agree by noding his head. Then there are times where he will try to feed me and for some reason i feel awkward with things like that and he will say "what are you going to do on your wedding day". So once again, very confusing.After all this, I will say things like maybe if he doesnt believe in marriage and doesnt want kids, maybe we should go our own ways, because those are things im not willing to compromise on and he will get really upset and he doesnt even like the sound of it. He also brings up things about growing old together and he wants to co-sign for a car for me. (which are long lasting things that show that he is serious about us). I know we have only been together for a short time, so maybe i should just relax, but i just dont want to be wasting my time and become that woman who doesnt have either in the end. So basically I just want to know if you feel like he is completely against the ideas or if you feel that he is open minded to it. How long should i wait before its obvious he doesnt want neither, i still feel like its way too early, but i dont know how long a relationship lasts before it becomes a problem?
View related questions:
his ex, stretch marks, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Yes 9 months is very early. At the same time, you need to actually listen to his answers, and pay less attention to the things he says randomly. When you two talk about it marriage/kids and when you ask questions on that topic, you're receiving his answers. "I'm not against the idea of both of them.""When talking about kids, he says that he doesnt know if he wants them" " ...he has goals of expensive things he wants to buy and he doesnt feel like having kids would allow him to do that.""We've kinda talked about how he feels on the subject and he has told me that he doesnt really believe in it because he feels that it ruins a great relationship."THOSE are HIS answers to your questions and talks. All the other statement that are "confusing" to you share one thing in common: they're all hypothetical. I personally love to entertain hypothetical situations. It doesn't mean those situations will ever happen though, or that I would ever want them to happen. Again, I think you're grasping at straws here. You think him saying "Do you think you would have stretch marks if you got pregnant" somehow means he wants kids. I too wonder if I will have stretchmarks, even though I don't are if I ever have kids. Wondering is normal. But you can't substitute wondering for answers that he gave you when you were talking about these things. The fact is he has answered in a way that does not reflect your own wants.
|
