A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I have an issue and I hope that someone can give me a little insight on how to handle the situation without being judgmental, brutal, and malicious.I dated a young man when I was fifteen for almost 2 years so there is a little history. I seen this gentleman again 15 years later 08-2008. We hooked up and I found out he was still married but separated from his "wife" after we began to see each other. I fell in love with him all over again and we now live together and we have been together for a little over a year. My concern is that "divorce" is never mentioned and neither is 'marriage'. I think I may have made a bad decision. His wife is in a relationship with a female however, I feel that they are still married and anything is possible. What should I do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Well, it appears the ex wife is not a threat to your relationship with him, if she's in another relationship. So another reason could be 'finances'..it's pretty costly to get a divorce, nowadays. But there are ways to look into a cheaper divorce if both parties are in agreement. If it's not this, then he may be just using his marital status as a barrier to 'not' re-commit fully to someone else. Maybe he's not ready. Some guys like to use the 'I have to get a divorce, first' excuse, before he can take his relationship with the new lady, any further. It's almost seems as if he's insisting you to wait for him, which of course, you shouldn't do. As a genuine show of caring and love, one would think he would of told his wife a long time ago "I'm sorry but I have moved on-I'm divorcing you" and ended it. My suggestion: Look out for yourself here, and firstly, be honest with him and tell, him to please get that divorce. I am hoping he will start the proceedings, asapIf he doesn't, I suggest you think seriously, of taking a break from this fellow and going it alone for a while before this situation further hurts you. Doing this, might either get him motivated to do something and divorce this wife...or more sadly, he won't care. It will be then that you will clearly know where you stand with this man. A tough place to be in, but how many more years do you want to waste?
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 You need to sit down with him and casually ask him what his plans are regarding the other woman/ does he still love her/ does he still hold hopes that one day they can get back together/ if no then is he planning to close the chapter by getting a divorce? i would not bring up marriage as far as you 2 are concerned because it might still be premature and you might scare him. remember, remain calm, friendly, casual, don't make him eel attacked.....just talk like 2 adults:)
Good luck hun and all the best:))
p.s. if he doesn't plan to get a divorce i would ask him to move out tell him that you don't like or want to live with a married man.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Just ask him. You say the marriage/ divorce is never mentioned, why not? If it bothers you so much, just ask him. They may not have filed because of some legal convenience, or because it just isn't a pressing matter at the moment.
Tell him how you feel and how much it worries you, and let him know that you would appreciate it if he filed for divorce from his ex.
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A
male
reader, kllgunner +, writes (3 March 2009):
 just sit down and have a serious talk about you two it will be fine hes with you and it seems his wife is occupide at the moment so nothing will happen good luck.
-madly in love
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