A
female
age
36-40,
*oindecisive
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple months and things started off great, he's a real sweetheart and a total gentleman. But since he's started school again (he just got into med school btw), he doesn't seem to have time for anything let alone time for me. We had a discussion about him not being able to have time and how busy he will be. I told him that I understand how important school is to him and how it is an investment and that he has to work long hours at work on the weekends. I told him that I would try to understand his situation and that I would stick by him but lately I've been feeling really neglected because we hardly talk any more and when we do it's a couple of texts during the day which are almost always intiated by me. It was really starting to get to me because I'm the type of person that likes attention and he hasn't been giving me any. So last night we had a conversation and I told him how confused I felt about us and one of the options I suggested was us taking a break. He asked if the reason for me wanting this break was because I met someone else and I said no, he's really the only one in my life and I want him to be the only one but we can't be together because we're both busy, I have school and a full time job as well. He then tells me that a break may be a good idea because he feels like he has been selfish by asking me to wait for him and that he wants us both to be happy and that I don't seem happy. He tells he how I'm such a sweet person and how he's really interested and that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me but it's a good idea to take some time apart so that I can relflect and think about things and see if I really want to be with him or not. The crazy thing about this situation is that I suggested taking a break which he agreed to put I'm so hurt and I feel a bad about it and I truly want to be with him but I'm not sure if I'm willing to be put on the backburner again. I really need help and some great advice would be greatly appreciated to help my confused mind. Thanks in advance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): You have only been dating a couple of months and already you want to take a break? You all are in the very beginning stages of a relationship and it can be quite fragile at this stage.....so taking a break is not going to get you anywhere in furthering along your relationship.
What I think you have to decide is whether or not you are interested in dating a med student. He is going to have to put his school first above everything as he worked damned hard to get there and he is very career oriented. Thing is sweetheart he has many more years of this about 9 to be exact before he actually will begin practicing as a real doctor and he is going to be putting in many long hard hours.....that is the way it is. Depending on what type of doctor he is, you will also have to be agreeable to having your dates interrupted when he is on call, and you may have to leave mid dinner, mid movie or mid romance, he will have to go in to work.....he will be gone many nights as a resident and as an intern.....he will be away from you a lot.
On the other hand there are many rewards to being with a man who is a doctor one of which is of course financial, but money is not going to keep you warm at night....so you are the one who will be doing most of the adjusting now and in the future if you want this romance to go somewhere.
You can't take it personally, but it is hard to do if you need and want lots of attention. He didn't come up with any solutions for you besides the break, which tells me he thinks it is on you to change, not him.....so what does that tell you?
Like I said two months is very early in the relationship, so no one can tell you how to proceed....that is a decision you will have to make on your own. One thing you had better get used to is that you are responsible for your own happiness, no one else is, and if you need to do more things on your own to entertain yourself or keep you feeling happy, then that is what you will have to work on more....for yourself and for your relationship with the med student.
A
male
reader, kllgunner +, writes (3 March 2009):
 wow ur in a bit of a prediciment so why dnt u do wat u feel if u love him ull try and make it work or find someone else the only two things u can do
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