A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please bare with me. This is a rather long one.I had been dating two different men for a brief time. It was not at the same time, just back and forth. Man number 1 was the one I was absolutely smitten with. He had commitment issues. Man number 2 was a sweet man who wanted the commitment right away. Things didn't work out well with man number 1 because he tried pursuing other girls and told me it wasn't a big deal since we weren't dating or anything. That is true but I told him I didn't want to waste my time on someone who didn't want to commit to me beforehand. He said I wasn't. After all of this, I ended our relationship/friendship or whatever it was. About four months later man number 2 started to talk to me again. My feelings seemed to change towards him a bit. Almost at the very same time man number one gave me a long speech with apology and told me I was the one and he wanted a second chance. I instead, I started dating man number 2 again. I ended up falling in love with him. During this time, man number one wasn't giving up. It was hard because I still had such strong feelings for him and it started hurting my relationship with man number 2.I broke up with man number 2. Three months later I started man number 2. He was so wonderful to me. The thing that drew to towards him was how charming he was. We had so much in commom it was odd. Then, I found out that one of my good friends had slept with him. She was his friend too but got us back together because she thought we needed to be together. He had cheated on me right away and she was the one who told me. She already admitted to me that she had feelings for him but not like me. I broke it off. I was still friends with her. Behind my back she would see him everyday. It wasn't like I was dating him anymore but we going to give it some more time and maybe work it out. I gave up. I started dating man number 2 again. All the feelings came back. We are currently engaged. I am happy for the most part. We don't have that much in commom but we get along well and love each other so much. Man number one called me after he found out I was engaged. He tried to talk to me out of it. He then talked to our mutual "friend" if he still had a shot with me. He called me three weeks later saying he's glad I'm happy and just wishes I would be happy with him. He wanted to call me back because he had to run somewhere. I missed his call. He called our mutual "friend" and told her that night he wanted to date her. So they have been dating for the past few weeks. They have already expressed their love for one another. I really don't know what to think. I'm very upset with the situation. I have a feeling I made a mistake. I love my fiance. I honestly do. I just think about man number one almost everyday because I am not over him at all. I knew from the very second I met him that he was the one three years ago. I know he still has strong feelings for me but he is now also with someone who I still call a "friend". It wouldn't hurt as much but she subtly rubs it in my face. It also hurts me because she mentioned he said he lied to me about wanting to be with me the past two times he called me.In no way have I ever cheated on man number 2. I wouldn't either. I feel bad for having these feelings but they won't go away. I would never even say anything regarding my feelings towards man number one to anyone. I tell him everything including everything about the phone calls. I just haven't told my fiance (man number two) that I'm not over man number one. In my head, it's best I stay with man number 2. My heart wants man number 1 just a little bit more though. It is killing me inside and I can't talk to anyone about this. I have no idea what to do. Should I just go on with these feelings and hopefully one day get over man number one? Or should I just be completely honest about everything with both guys? I'm at such a loss right now.I apologize for the length.
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broke up, cheated on me, engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your reply. I agree with you about man number one. I had plenty of time to think about the situation and actually talked to my "friend" (man number one's girlfriend). She is having the same exact problems that I had with him. All along I had thought that it was me and I had a lot of pent up frustrations. It was him all along. I can let that go completely now.
I discussed this issue with my fiance. He understands and won't let me go and I'm 100% happy with that.
Thank you again.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Marrying man number two would be callous and exploitative. So clearly yourheart is not into that - number two was your default choice, your "in lack of better ". I am sure in time you have developed feelings for him and appreciated him for his good qualities, yet I've got thefeeling that what you mostly love about him...is that HE loves you. Not a good start for a lifeling commitment. Do not marry anybody unless you are mutually,strongly in love with each other.
Man number one is history and thanks God for that !. He is dating your "friend ". He never wanted any commitment with you, and he is a serial cheater. Good riddance !
Your best option, even if not the easiest, I know, is to be on your own and wait for man number 3- the man that will love you as much as you love him (and viceversa of course )
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