A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Engaged after five years and now he is treating me like a room mate. Here it is... It's his way or no way! It feels like he doesnt want to get married. He is saying that i dont do enough around the house when it seems that is all i do. Im not good enough i guess. Im not very good and witty at wording things and how i feel and why i feel the way i do, but i do know that things feel different. Less caring... to the point im ready to call it off after five years. Its sad we really havent had too many problems until we got engaged four months ago. He is addicted to internet porn and now when i ask him about it he flat out lies! I know how to look it up and see what sites he's been too, im not stupid nor have i ever made too big of deal out of it. Its the fact that he is now lieing to me about little things. It feels good to even type this because he isnt listening and im stuck... My two girls from a previous boyfriend call him dad and everything. I dont have anywhere to go even if we did call off the wedding... everything is reserved. he is also mad about the money. our budget went about 2,000 over and he wont let it go. I love him and I dont know if its cold feet on his part or if im just bridezilla. help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncomment for to a "new life female" reader
I have worked for 15 years at a great job! so me working had nothing to do with it. Also I own another house; I love him and was upset over a fight we had. but thanks for the advice i have always been independant always had a job and gone to school. your comment made it sound like i was some sort of lazy leech sitting at home eating bon bons and collecting welfare. That is more the farther then the truth!
UPDATE to all
Everything was rocky around xmas last year. to the male reader; your advice was by far the best advice. I spiced up the bedroom life and believe it or not things have turned a 180. We got married this month, adoption goes through soon, and I dont think we have ever been happier. One fight doesnt make our future/ we talk things out a little more in detail now and that seems to of helped.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): you both should sit down and voice your concerns. people walk away too easily from things in this world, especially people they love. not all men lie, cheat and are "porn mongers"..maybe he is bored in the bedroom? usually guys get really comfortable in a relationship and women take that as they don't care any longer..i'm a guy , i should know..90% of all my breakups ended in "you got lazy in the relationship"..as many people say on here , it takes two to tango..if you love the guy, tell him that and ask him what you need from the relationship..if he can't deliver, go see a counselor and get a third party input..if that doesn't work, THEN it may be time to say goodbye and realize you two may not be the best match..I personally think any two people can "match", provided they both put the work, dedication and love into it..
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A
female
reader, To A New Life +, writes (17 December 2009):
We all have to lay in the bed we make. Are you sure you want to marry this lieing porn monger? Are you sure you love him and not because it's convenient for you so you don't have to work and still have a place to live? There's a price to pay for that convenience. They'll always lie, cheat, and treat you like shit.
All the warning signs are there. If you are smart, you'd run, find help somewhere, family, etc, until you get on your feet. Get a job, go back to school, and focus on being a good mom. Teach your girls the importance of an education, and never allow any man to treat them poorly. They are watching and learning from you everyday through your actions. Set a good example and provide them with the tools they'll need to suceed.
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