A
male
age
36-40,
*oplessly_in_love
writes:I am 26 and currently engaged to a very lovely woman, but before I met her I was in love with another woman. the reason why i wasn't with the other woman is because she had been through a few heartbreaking relationships and was afraid that she would get hurt again. Her and I have been really good friends and I have let her know how I really feel about her, but she didn't want to ruin the great friendship we have. So I accepted the fact that we were just friends and I eventually met my fiance. she is great and we get along well most of the time but we do have a lot of differences, as i'm sure most couple do, but we have gotten through most bad things. Well recently my old friend has told me that she has always had feelings for me to and she wishes we could be more than friends. since then I have been secretly trying to sabotage my relationship by pointing out our differences and questioning whether or not my fiance thinks that we can make it together, I have been trying to put doubt in my fiances mind so that she would leave me because she also has been in some heartbreaking relationships and I would feel very very terrible about leaving her for another woman. I really don;t know what I should do. should stay with my current relationship with someone who is almost completely opposite of me and we balance each other out, or should I keep trying to find a diplomatic way out of my relationship to be with the woman I have always loved and I have soooo much in common with?
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male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (11 January 2011):
You need to man up as they say. You are being terribly unfair to your fiance by continuing to represent to her that she is your one and only. How is marrying someone you don't truly love supposed to help? Get on with the unpleasant task of breaking the news to your fiance and then get with the one you really love. breakups are messy...divorces are messier (not to mention more expensive). Take action now, and you and your fiance will be the happier for it down the road.
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (11 January 2011):
 I really feel no woman deserves to have walk down to aisle to a man that don’t love her. And you need to stop trying to get her to leave you because that may never happen, and you’ll find yourself in an unhappy marriage, married to a woman you’re not in-love with. Regardless to the fact if your “FRIEND” wants you as more than a friend, men and women tend to want someone when they’re no longer available. This may very well be the case. However, don’t marry somebody you’re not compatible with. Do the both of you a favor and end this relationship, before it goes too far, only to end up in #DIVORCECOURT.
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A
female
reader, Cherryb12  +, writes (11 January 2011):
I strongly believe you shouldn't get married. It will make you both very miserable in the long run. It's impossible to make it work when you are constantly thinking about the other person. It's going to suck, it's going to hurt you and your fiancee, but you just can't get married like that. You must find the most loving and diplomatic way to explain to your fiancee that you just can´t go on with this engagement thing, because she must have the chance to find someone who truly loves her too and be happy, just like you do.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Burnt Out  +, writes (11 January 2011):
My philosophy is that for a mariage to work you not only need to be compatible, but you need to be in true love as well.
Think about the divorce rate. Many people marry because they are compatible, or because they truly love each other, but these two things do not go hand in hand. Without compatibility, your love will be killed, and without true gut wrenching love, you will cheat or lose interest.
True love is a bitch. You can never forget it, and it will never leave you until you find your next true love. it will rip apart your sould and take away all your thoughts.
My advice is to seriously look inside yourself and decide whether it is better to call off a wedding than get divorced later down the track when you are older and then, divorced.
I just say this because through reading your post you really dont sound like you belive it will work.. which is a really really bad sign.
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