A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a nice guy almost 2 1/2 years ago. We are both 46. I have been divorced about 16 years. He was just getting a divorce when I met him on yahoo personals. This was his second divorce. I asked him at the time if he needed time to sew his wild oats before dating steady almost every day. He was entering a 2 year school degree program. Now that he is done, he has decided to stay living with his parents a few blocks away. I need him financially and emotionally now, as I am tired of living alone for so long now that I am an empty nester. He is starting his new job this week, and turned me down on sex Sat.night, which is the only time he sometimes will submit to it. He says he has a low sex drive and maybe just needs a break from it, not saying never, but not now. He won't try testosterone or anything. He wants to live with his parents to pay off 16k in student loans. I, by the way did drop out of my program and have not been working due to depression and anxiety. He does not like either of those situations. I still love him and need him. He says I need to make progress, either disability or something. I don't feel secure with this relationship since he wants a professional and will work with a lot in the hospital.He is the only person in my life besides a girlfriend of 28 years, mostly just on the phone these days. Need advice. Thanks. He is breaking my heart.A bit more- I own my home and will have to make an income or something soon. Have applied for disability and will try with an attorney if denied. Is he trying to end our relationship by ending sex and staying living with mom and dad? He still comes to see me when time and helps me with painting but no yard work. 20 year old son went to live with dad when he was almost 18 and doesn't come over or call. I stressed him out with my depression and anxiety I guess.
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Hon, you sound just like me (not the same life) but you are walking down a road I have traveled. Stop! before it's too late.
I am 45years and met my hubby online after about 2 years of intense online dating w/lots of men. There ARE good people out there but they all seem to be a bit broken, just like us. Always keep that in mind...
Now, a man at 46 should NOT be living at home, and should not have been after the age of 25. So that was your first red flag. Because the Mom kept him at home, his sexual development is extremely immature & secretive at best. That is why you are having problems in the bedroom. Next issue, is men do not like ANY baggage dear. None. He will never be with you if you are depressed, or unhealthy. Men, truly do not mind if you are overweight, but you have to take care of your body and be feminine is what they are after.
You were right when you said, now he will be in a professional setting and wants you to be on par. But, what he didn't reveal is that his AGE is a factor, and when he is surrounded by under 25 somethings doing the same thing he is doing at 46 that will smack him in the face! I see it with me and in my own work setting. How embarrassing that he still lives with his parents! That is one secret, and you will be the other secret. And you don't deserve to be a secret, you deserve to be honored and shown off as "his woman"! That's NOT going to happen dear.
So, for me, go out everyday and take a walk, if you have ONE pet even better. Sign up for any FREE dating sites, never pay or just pay for ONE. Scrutinize the ads for those nigerian scammers. And a tip, doctors, entrepreneurs do not cruise dating sites! Only choose men in your tri-state area, nothing worse than falling for someone who lives a million miles away! Always choose one who loves God. They will at least treat you halfway decent. NEVER go on webcam! Your heart will be broken with the XXX things guys ask. Never let them come to your home. If you are overweight, that is a factor in dating. Men do have an image of their dream date too! But if you are well kept, they truly don't mind. And you have a walking regime. Consider men outside your race. The best thing to do is chat no more than 5 times, and set up a meeting quickly. If you fall for the chat, but when you meet the chemistry is not there, it's such a waste. If you check for online messages every minute you will be disappointed. Also, I found, those leaving messages on the weekends are only looking for sXXXX. Skip them. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I think we need some more information about your disability, yes. Also, what his reply about "sowing his wild oats" was.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I am concerned that he may feel like he's outgrown you, since he has, even this late in his life entered into a degree program and will begin a career in medical. You are looking at winding down, while he is gearing up. You don't mention what your disability is, and I hope it's not just based on depression and anxiety. Those are treatable with a good physician and the right medication, certainly not a reason to sit on the sidelines at your young age, when you still have so much life to live. If in fact, you have a bigger medical problem you didn't mention, it could be that he just doesn't want to get tied to you, and end up caring for you should your condition worsen. I'm thinking he's just not that into you and that's why it seems like he's got all these rules when it comes to your relationship. I know that is not the best news to hear, but instead of working on disability why not re-think your career goals and get a fresh start somewhere new which may lead to you meeting new people (translation a different guy). The worse that can happen is you will seem less needy, more independent, and your man may find you more attractive. Good luck.
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