A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So usually when I come to agony aunts with a question you all always help me out and I'm looking for that same positive help this time.In November 2009 I met a man online and we talked for 7 months until he came to visit. He said he was in love with me and we would get on webcam and text and call each other every day. Back in June 2010 the love of my life came to visit me from Texas. I live in Massachusetts. He was here for two weeks and we hit it off from the start. Everyday I fell more and more in love with him. Him and I had sex every day he was here and when he left to go back to Texas he said he would be back to visit soon and he loved me.Two weeks later the story changed. He basically stopped talking to me and told me goodbye. I didn't know his reasoning behind this. He said I was to young and I'm falling to deep in love with him which was not good since we were so far away. I was 18 and he was 35. Ever since then I have been emotionally unstable. I found out 3 days later after we stopped talking that I was pregnant obviously with his child because he was the only one I had been with. I told him and he said I was holding him hostage. I told him I just thought he should know and that I will never speak to him again. He said if it was true he would send me money. I told him no because that is not being a father if he is just sending money and will not be there physically for our child. He didn't like that to much. I finally put two and two together and found out he was messing with some other girl. She was only 5 years older than me. I hated him so much for that and I hated her. She would email me and call me crude names and to leave him alone. So I did but he still managed to call me and text me and wanted to have phone sex. I stupidly allowed it because I was still in love with him. He still didn't believe I was pregnant. 4 months later in October I lost the baby. I told him and then he said that he did eventually believe me but he didn't want to admit it. He was no longer with the girl he was messing around with. We made up and he always says to me that we would have made a beautiful baby. It bothers me that now he cares. We talk everyday now but I know our relationship is going downhill again. We are just good friends and I want to be in a commited relationship again but he doesn't want it. But if a girl is willing to sleep with him he said he would. My whole question here is if I was still pregnant I would be having the baby March 28th 2011. I was wondering if I should bring it up to this guy and see his reaction like if he would care because that day for me is going to be very emotional for me. I'm looking for his support but should I just leave it alone?
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 This is an awful mess. He is much older than you, and jumped into sex with you real fast during your first face-to-face two week-visit.
When you told him you were pregnant he was hardly caring of you, was he? Quite callous, in fact - until you miscarried and now he's wanting to be all buddy-buddy again.
No, leave it and him alone. Sorry but he really is not worth it. I know you feel bad about losing the baby, but look at it this way: you'd have got no support from him - oh, maybe a little money, but certainly no emotional support - and bringing up a child would be your sole responsibilty for the next twenty years or so. The loss of a little life is always very sad, but at least you have been spared all the difficulties (and joys) of caring for the little one until adulthood.......babies need two parents.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): OK, I have to be honest: I don't get it.
You are 19; she is 36. The guy doesn't want to be with you as a lover; he didn't want to be with you when you were pregnant;
he left you for another woman.
And you ask if you should be looking for his support??
Objectively, this is a no-brainer. The guy is not a good person. You are young and have a whole world of good people ahead of you who will make good partners and fathers. Why are you wasting your time with him?
Believe me, I know it is not easy to break away from a bad relationship. But in your head you have to at realize that this is a bad relationship. Now you just have to make your heart follow your head.
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