A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am a 27 yr olf female i have living with my boyfriend for 1 yr 1/2 i have a 2 yr old little girl from a previous relationship I was madly in love with my boyfriend and he started treating me really bad he would come home late igore me we stopped having sex he expected me to cook clean and run errands for him and his kids he speaks to me very ugly and when we argue he tells us to leave his house and every time he asked me to leave I would beg him to stay and work things out he never goes with me to my family get to gethers and he is very controling . for the past 3 months i have been sleeping on my side of the bed crying and praying that some thing will change well....it did an old friend of mine called me he had always had a crush on me and well i cheated on my boyfriend this guy is pressuring me to leave my boyfriend and he is dead set on supporting me and my little girl he got me a phone to call him on and this relationship is slowly turning in to a situation that is making me feel worse but i am starting to have strong feeling for this guy i am very confused i tried to leave my boyfriend when he wasnt home and when i was walking out he was at the door he started begging me to stay and he promises he will change but im not totaly convinced that he will what should i do??
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 I am trying to figure out what keeps you with this guy and why he wants you back. You cheated on him, you guys don't have sex, and you guys argue all the time. I am not sure if it is love you are feeling. Perhaps you are "in love" with the way things used to be. I am sure at the start, things were fantastic, but lately, let's face it and from the sounds of it, things are less than perfect.Do you really see this relationship continuing? I mean, do you see yourself being married to this guy and living this type of lifestyle for the rest of your life? What would your daughter say and feel about watching this happen?I'd like you to read "10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. I think there are some answers in there for you regarding why you keep in a losing relationship.I realize leaving a relationship is extremely tough (aren't there songs out there saying Love is a Drug?) but let's face it, this one is getting uglier by the day. The sooner you realize it and are strong enough to make a move, the better off you'll be.Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): So wanting to care for someone you have grown to have feelings for for any reason is 'wanting to control you' now is it?
Sorry, thats just plain sexist against men.
If we show TOO much caring, we are automatically trying to own you like a slave.
If we don't show enough, we are heartless, souless bastard players.
Make up your mind caring-guy and stop lambasting your own kind.
As to the OP... you cheated. Whatever your problems in your relationship with your partner, cheating was wrong adn you should be dead ashamed of letting it get to that point, as should your little friend.
You should have sat down and talked to your partner, and decided if you wanted to continue and work to overcome the issues plaguing your relationship.
Your side-man now asks you top commit to him. And he has every right to expect you to, if he has developed emotional bonds for you.
Neither of you had any right to start this, but you did, and now he wants to get serious.
It comes down to this... what do YOU want? I would suggest separating from both these men, until you can find the strength in yourself to realise that you don't need to jump from man to man, woman to woman, person to person.
That a relationship needs to be two way. Communication is key. Only when you know when and when not to compromise in a relationship are you ready for one.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2011):
You're letting men run your life for you, and you're not living at all for yourself or your little girl. All that's happening is that you're moving from one guy to another, like some object. You've gone from your daughter's father, to this boyfriend, and now another 'old friend'. This isn't giving you stability, and it will wind up wrecking your daughter's childhood because she will have no clue about what is happening. She will just see you go from one man, to another, to another.
I'll give you a whole new plan, that will set you up for life, if you want it.
Forget men. All of them. For now, at least. You're with a boyfriend who is simply not cutting the mark, and who hasn't cared for some time. You've cheated with a guy who has so little respect, that he swanned into your relationship, slept with you and now suddenly wants to take care of you - that is not the grounding for a relationship. That is grounding for another mess.
Stop living for men, and stop letting men run your life. Move away, get a job or something an focus on giving your daughter the attention she needs. Focus on becoming independent that you can live your own life. Focus on living for yourself.
The more independent and strong you become for you and your daughter, the more likely it is that you will meet a truly decent guy who will date you, who will prove himself worthy of you, who will genuinely take you and your daughter on (unlike your old friend who has basically had sex with you and suddenly decided he wants to own you).
Take time out for you and your daughter, and stop allowing men to pass you around. It's just wrecking your life, and it will wreck your daughters. Be your own woman instead.
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