A
male
age
30-35,
*iro06
writes:I have like this women for a number of years and I dont know if its love I feel for her or self-disillusionment(basically seeing something thats not really there) I think I love this women but I shouldnt I not going into details, but I have liked or loved her for the last decade. Well, I figured out I might be in love with her when I was at my cousin's wedding when I had this horrible pain in my chest near my heart. My heart was beating fast and it was in so much pain I never thought it would stop. She is the only person in the world that makes me feel this way and it makes me sick to know that there is a human that has so much control over me emotional. I always go out my way to see if she is ok. I buy here things that I havent even brought for my mom. If she is sad I feel like I would destroy the world to put a smile on her face. I get upset if I see her sad. I feel like im her an errand boy or some used tissus that she can pick up and use over, and over, again. I have nothing left in me. I am emotional drained. I want to forget about her I really do but she is like my own personal drug. Even though is very one side love I cant help, but feel that I am in love with her. Kind of like a fly caught in a black-widows web and she is continuely feeding of my remains. So, is this love toward her I am feeling or am I causing my own misery. I know she doesnt love me and she probable never will, but I have never meet anybody like her. I know I could find someone else, but I dont want anyboddy else.
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (22 November 2010):
 I am just getting out of a similar situation. No, this is not a healthy relationship. It is *infatuation*, which she using to her advantage. As I have come to learn the hard way, love involves acceptance and appreciation by the other person, feeling validated and cared for. If this girl does not do this, she is taking up your time and energy which could be used for finding real love.
Someone quoted something here on DearCupid which has stuck me and has helped to remind me of this in my own experience:
"Never make someone a priority if you are only an option."
This takes self-control, but it is necessary.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 She is using you completely and you are letting her time and time again, but the thing is you know this deep down you know you are causing yourself to be miserable and you know there is no hope that she loves you, yet you still keep trying and hurting yourself, again you know that you need to give up and let her go but your refusing therefore its you that needs to find the strength within you, nobody on here or anywere else can give you the answer that you are looking for because you already know it.
Sure you dont want anybody else right now thats because you love this woman but you need to step away, contact her and tell her that you need to distance yourself away from her because it is to painful and say your goodbye. Delete her number, her email or anything else you have that you can contact her on. If you have anything around that reminds you of her like photos or things that belong to her then get rid of them. This is the first major step and it is difficult but just remember you CAN do it.
Once that is done, go out with friends meet new people enjoy yourself, start a new hobby just keep yourself busy, try and avoid the places were she goes so that you wont bump in to her. Through time it will get easier and eventually you will feel like moving on and you will find a girl that wants to be with you as well.
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