A
male
age
41-50,
*dvice_man
writes:Something very embarrassing happened to me and I would like female readers' opinions: There's this girl at work with whom we've been flirting for a few months now. Finally she initiated to go for a friendly coffee where we had a really nice and fun chat and she even trusted me enough to confided some of her personal problems.I walked her to her car and we ended up giving each other a hug. While that happened, i got an erection and I tried to pull back so it won't show, but I am sure she felt it. I felt so embarrassed.It's been 2 weeks now and when she sees me at work, she smiles and politely says hello but doesn't stop by for an office chat as she used to. Also I asked her to meet again but she turned down politely.What would you female readers think if this had happened to your date? Do you thing that's why she turned down my invitation? She got the impression that my mind is only on sex? Thanks in advance!
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at work, erection, flirt, girl at work Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (9 October 2011):
Advice_man is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for the slap on the face! I needed that. Often, in this game of love, we choose to ignore the obvious and hang our hopes on that 5% chance there is that, we might have not understood right and things might not acutally be as they appear. But when you hear other people commenting on your question through this website and indicate the "obvious" then you are sure. Thanks!
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (9 October 2011):
 She isn't rebuffing you because of the erection. So many guys get erections when hugging someone they're attracted to, it's become a moot point with most women. She probably just didn't feel that chemistry with you.
Really, it's perfectly natural and not anything to be embarrassed about.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 Honestly? She isn't interested in you as a partner/bf - and I am being blunt. Every girl gets this kind of (stand at) attention at a young age and realizes what it means. She mustn't be interested if she if trying to cool down your ardor.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): Being female I would get that he has sex on his mind impression if it happened to me. Also I do know and understand that arousal can't always be control. If she's understanding just explain to her you meant no offense by it and you wasn't expecting it to react. If she likes you she will be a bit flattered if she believe you if a bit disrespected if she don't believe you. It happened to me before when I my ex hugged me, he got an erection while hugging me but in his case he wanted to rock from side to side while hugging me to further stimulate his erection. We were on our second date when that happened and I made certain it was our last. I was so pissed and felt disrespected by his actions. Now if high apologized to her when it happened And moved back, that's respectful. Hopefully you can verbally clear this up with her. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (9 October 2011):
 I won't think your mind is only on sex but when you pulled back you made it obvious and you brought to her attention that this flirting could go further. She turned you down not because you had a natural reaction, a hard on, but because she wants to keep that flirting thing casual and fun, and nothing serious leading to sex.
I went on a vacation with my boyfriend and there are few teenage girls with free hug signs written in Italian. I asked my boyfriend why don't you give them hugs and he said no because he could get a hard on and that would be embarrassing, also the girls and the people around would think he is some old creep liking young girls since he is 43 years old. My boyfriend is not some perv, in my opinion his sexuality is very moderate.
After that it's my understanding that a hard on is not something that a man can control. I won't give man a hard time for what's biologically natural to them. That's just me.
I think your coworker is comfortable being your friend and nothing more. Flirting does not always mean sexual attraction. It's something that males and females do, sometimes unconsciously. She does not want to feel that sexual tension with you. It is awkward to cross that line from friendship to a potential sexual partner.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 This is a hard one to judge if am honest. Maybe she was not interested in you in a sexual way maybe she saw you more like a friend. There is obviously some reason why she turned you down, but am not sure it is just based on you getting an erection at the end of the day most girls would be flattered by this attention. But maybe she just doesn't feel the same way about you and now she is keeping her distance in case she thinks she has giving you the wrong impression. She turned down a second meeting with you so I guess you are just going to need to cut your ties and move forward.
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