A
female
age
30-35,
*ca9130
writes:I've been dating a guy for two weeks now, he's smart, cute, funny, sensitive and romantic, but there are two disadvantages: he's still in high school, but graduates this year and he's only three months younger than me, but he's still 18 (so he should be more mature) and he has poor interest in the way he dresses. He doesn't dress bad, but he only have two pairs of shoes, one for school which are completely broken and a pair of converse. He's going to be my date for my 19th birthday party this weekend and we are all going to a club where there is a dress code. I told him that if he doesn't dress nice, the bouncers won't let him in and though this is real, it's also a way of telling him: dude, dress according to your age, you're not 15 anymore, buy shoes that a man would use. I'm afraid my friends won't like him, my parents already commented in the way he dresses and it embarrasses me a bit, but I don't want to break it up with him just because he has two pairs of shoes. I already told him about this situation and said that I shouldn't care about what other people say, but the thing is that it's not some other people, they are my friends and family, what should I do? :/ Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N3m0  +, writes (29 September 2010):
Lol. ok well from my previous experiencesi believe that it could either be.. money problems or just his own way of dressing. i mean when i was 13-16 i dressed like a gangster, then i turned 17 and i started to work and then i bought Hollister since i liked the style and what it represented, then i met my girlfriend and i used Hollister until i turned 18 then i started college and i cared less about Clothes since it was more about the work, Finally now i wear Dress Shirts, Sweater Vest and More Buckle Stuff. The Point is that maybe if you talk to him directly itll be a good idea if not Just go to the mall and say " ohh! that would look hot on you" Etc... and yes Dirtball is right.. same goes for me . when i go out with my girl i dress good but also just staying at home or chilling with friends doesnt require the best clothes in your closet.. Sorry to make this long but Just one more thing i havr to say.. If for some reason its money problems always no that BRAND names doesnt always mean cool clothes. i buy from everywhere i go. so if you a good shirt here, find jeans somewhere else as long as they go, lol Just make sure you love him in anything he wears. =) CLothes is justa Phase..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): Granted he should dress appropriately for the club, having two pairs of shoes shouldnt be a big deal. Forget what people think abut him in how he dresses normally, who are they to judge? A lot of ppl look at how people dress and associate or correlate it with their character. This is nonsense. I'll give you an example: Every time I arrive in the states I wear nothing but a white suit. Tie, shoes, jacket, vest, pants, everything. I do this for many reasons. People look at this as silly, or different, or even outrageous...even my family and friends. However, its what I like to do and how Im comfortable in appearance. In a way, it gives me confidence. This guy has some obvious reasons for the way he chooses to look perhaps and you should ask him questions on why he chooses to dress the way he does cause it could tell you more about his personality. When he sees you engage with this, he'll sense a genuine response to the negativity, he'll perhaps open up more and that can lead to compromises. Best to you :) and btw happy birthday. Be smart & safe.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 you have already said he 'doesnt dress bad" so this means its the only two pair of shoes that are the issue.
Could it be a financial thing? When it comes down to the nitty gritty another pair of shoes are not high on my list of must haves.
You have already let him know there is a dress code for this weekend, now you need to find out if he knows what the code is and if he can conform for the night. Try not to make a big deal of it, there are a multitude of reasons why he might dress the way he does, the only way to find out for sure is to ask him.
Diplomacy is called for.
Oh, and Happy Birthday!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 He's right you shouldnt care what other people have to think, if they are your friends and family they should be happy for you, i mean did it ever occur to you that this guy might not have the money to buy shoes? did you stop to concider his feelings over this? you may have just damaged his self confidence. I totally understand though what you mean about a dress code and yes telling him this lightly would have been the best idea just dropping casually that you like him for who he is and asking him if its possible to get a pair of dressy shoes as there is a dress code and you really want him there to celebrate your birthday with you. This stereo type of he dresses like a 15 year old is also not right, its who he is we are all unique and have different fashion senses and some of us dont have a choice because we dont have the money to spend on luxuries. If you dont like him for the way he dresses then i guess you need to find another guy as this guy sounds perfect the way he is and shouldnt have to change for anyone.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Quit being so superficial.
Really, how a guy dresses shouldn't be important. I understand needing to have something appropriate for going out to a club with a dress code. But come on, he's in high school. How he dresses is fine for where he is in his life. Plain and simple. Hell, I'm 30 and when I'm not working (Suits and ties... I'm a banker), I'm wearing a t-shirt, hoodie, and some cargo pants. My favorite shoes are some busted down old skate shoes.
You're looking for excuses to get out of this relationship. If you're already looking for something like that then do the guy a favor and end it. He diserves someone who won't be so shallow and judgemental.
...............................
|
