A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. By all standards our relationship is great! We had a brief break-up 3 years ago - he was with someone else. We discuss engagement and marriage in the near future. About 3 months ago I saw a provocative text he received from an ex college girlfriend.(12 yrs ago) I confronted him, he was desperately sorry, it meant nothing...blah, blah. In the meantime, I have been accessing his personal email, and have seen random emails between the two of them. He says in the emails to this ex that he doesn't want to do anything to hurt me - emailing tapers off, then back on again. In one email he says that there would be no harm in emailing - no phone, etc. The emails are never more than about sex. Never discussing the day to day, our relationship, nothing. Although the last one she sent stated she wanted to see him. I haven't seen his response. She is married with a young son, lives out of state. Without seeing these emails, there is nothing in our relationship that would cause me to think he is anything but happy. Is it just exciting? I can almost say I would care less if it were some anonymous on-line chatting. But it's an old flame.Do I fess-up?, call him out? Call her out? I am bitter, and if I end up taking a hit on this, her husband is going to find out too!!!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Why do people always want to play with fire and go back to their past at the first "dangle of a carrot?" I don't know how all of this started up again but he must have given her his cell phone number at some point if she was able to text him. If there is nothing going on between them why don't you suggest to him he asks her to write to (your email address)but he doesn't tell her of course that it's your email address, he just says that it's his new one. That way if and when she writes you'll be able to see it too. If he has nothing to hide then he should have no problems with this and if he wants to write back to her then you have no problem with that either. At least that way he is able to reassure you that nothing's going on.
I would certainly mention to him about the email from her asking to meet up and tell him it concerns you. That way you're at least being honest with him and as we know, honesty is one of the cornerstones of any successful relationship. Ask him if he wrote back and if he did then ask him to let you see his response. (It should be in his sent messages unless he's deleted it and if he has then why???? THAT would concern me also!)
If this is all just harmless chatting and is above board then he shouldn't have any concerns whatsoever about doing this to reassure you. Put it to him and see how he responds. Keep us updated.
~Eve~
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