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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I love my friends- they're great and all, but they freak out if I don't respond to their calls or texts right away. My one friend, "Kayla", got upset at me because I was visiting an old flatmate this weekend. Now mind you Kayla has her own friends as well, so I don't know why she would be so upset. When she's busy and out with her friends, I don't hear from her. But then when she's bored, lonely and wants to hang out, she gets mad if I can't. I tried to explain that I have other friends that I see and I know she does too, but she doesn't get it. So now I'm feeling upset and frustrated about this and Kayla seems to have gotten over it. So now I don't know if I'm the one dwelling over this or what. To me, although I could be wrong, it's like she just wants a reaction out of me or something. Ugh! This is so stupid when I think about it, but I just can't help feeling upset over all of it. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 January 2011):
Hi there. Unfortunately, with the age of technology, frustration over not getting an answer to a text or phone message straight away, is just a sign of the times.
With texting, it's not always possible that you are looking at your mobile or are anywhere near it, when the message comes in. It's something that's out of our control.
People seem to be a little less patient than they were before text messages and emails. They expect that the person they are sending it to are sitting there and waiting. But of course, this is very rarely the case. There are other things to do.
You can't do anything about it. If someone says they are angry, all you can say is that you were out or away from your phone when the message came in, so you didn't hear it, and that you called them as soon as you saw their message. It happens. They have to accept it.
You probably need to have a talk to Kayla about her getting upset when you are not available to go out with her. Just remind her that you don't have to be together every time, and that you both have other friends apart from each other.
Let her know that you value her friendship, and that you are not replacing her with your other friends. And that it's perfectly normal to have many different groups of friends. Tell her that you value her, just as much as all your other friends, and that her friendship is important to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Your friend, with respect miss, is an immature drama queen. Why does she have these expectations? She sounds perhaps maybe depressed if something like this so small is agonizing her, especially if it circumvents her feeling of loneliness, which it does. Id try to designate times to hang out or better yet plan things so that you two spend time together. Good luck.
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