A
female
age
51-59,
*are
writes:i am mother of three and two of them grown up no,i am 44 my youngest one is 12,my husband loved me but he is vary quite and bit of boaring person,i am in love with some one whos in other country and i see him my be once a year but talk every day and chat,i am confused he is a poor guy and i am not at the begging i justed wanted to help him and feel sorry for him i wanted to make him a bit happy but the relationship came to love and understanding each other ,when i talk with him its make me happy ,he really belived i am the only happiness on his life and i feel bad to left him alone he is married and had kids and likes his wife , i love my husband i lookafter him ,but when i am involved with that guy i am happy and in good mood i understand my husband and dont care what he does he can be more free and he likes that way but,i hate myself sometimes to be involved with someone else ,but i cant get forget about him ,we try a lot to forget each other but we couldnot ,i asked him to end this evening, but not sure if i can.i know what is the right things to do but i dont know how to forget about him.i feel lonely at home because i dont see children more often and my husband is vary quite and watching tv all the time, Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Staying with your husband may or may not be the right thing for you to do - only you can tell how much unhappiness you are willing to tolerate in your daily life in your marriage.
But your feelings for the other man are an illusion. You see him once a year but chat every day? This is not a real relationship, it is an artificial one. Therefore whatever you think about him, isn't the whole story. You are making stuff up in your mind about who he is or what he's like, and falling in love with that. And since you're unhappy with your husband that just makes it easier to romanticize this new man. but that's not reality. You have no idea who the new man really is because you only see him once a year. Just remind yourself of this. Cut off contact with him, and eventually in time, your feelings for him will fade.
In the meantime, you don't have to stay with your husband if you don't want to. Your children are grown up, there's no reason to stay with someone you are not happy with. If you would be happier on your own, then be on your own.
A
female
reader, fare +, writes (21 January 2011):
fare is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all and thanks for your answers and as i said already i know what is the rigth things to do but i cant get rid of this feeling, and yes my husband always was quite and our relationship was good and still is but it difficult for me to just feel same as before now,but to be honest the last 2/5 years which i was involved with the other guy ,was great for me i like that feeling .lots of thing which was vary important to me before there is not important to me any more i became more realstic about lots of things ,small matter between me and husband was matter before but not any more now . and which is good and my husband like me to be like that, he liks me to make myself busy dont ask him where he wants to go? what he wants to do?he likes freedom, when i felt he wants this, and he is happy why should not, and i like my feeling for other guy, why not but in other hand i have suffered of doing the wrong things, and only as i said i saw the other guy only for few days in a year or couple months, still dont know what to do?
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A
female
reader, fare +, writes (19 January 2011):
fare is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANK YOU YOU ARE RIGHT AND I LIKE YOUR ANSWAR
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): How you got maried whiel he is quite and boring in the first place?? When did you start feeling so?? I don't think it is his nature to be quite but I do think it is because there is lack of communication and attention. This can be manifested by your love for him. The relation is just in the dormant state, try to make it alve, wake it up. Add some romance, talke with him how you two were before, how you are feeling. Tell him you want attention and his ivestment.
Forget that poor guy. He is not for you. You have a lot to build with him. You are 44 and you have no time to build new relation from scrach. Just maintain the one you have built for years. It is more rewarding and easy. A simple talk will solve the problem. I had this exact situation with my wife. I love her and didn't observe her feelings. It was when she start friendship with another guy that we got the chance to see it. We talked over it and now we are as fresh as the first time. We both are so happy now and our kids too.
Don't make a mistake and don't waste time. talk to him directlly. Believe me it will not take time as far as he still loves you. It need just and reawakening.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Listen to yourself honey. Did you say you are in love with someone who you see one a year? There is only one type of ending for this NIGHTMARE. Trust me there will be no winners if this progresses to completion.Whatever the problem is with your marriage, I urge you to either try and work it out or pack it up.Overlapping relationships are not wise. Have the courage to stand or walk. Only then start on a clean state with a clear head. You more than likely do not know this man al all, and your happiness though mostly imagined isnt real.Plus did you say he is poor? He sure needs you financialy and most like is using you for the benefit. Run a mile. dont say you were not warned.Whatever you are feeling will pass someday. Just dont make it take a turn for the worse by investing yourself with this none hoper. It will end in tears and agony.End this liaison and concentrate on making your marriage better.You may be unhapppy and hence making some bad decisions. Please take time out to sort your relation. Find a hobby and expand your social group with other women/mums. Most importantly tell your husband in a heart to heart talk how you are feeling. Dont accuse or blame him...Let him know that you feel lonely. Loneliness can sometimes cause us to act in ways contrary to our values/ beliefs or who we are. Best of luck
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