A
male
age
41-50,
*oyofthe Rovers
writes:I have just broken up from a 4 year relationship with the woman i thought I would marry. Since we met we both have bought a house together far from where I come from and I had to move my job in the process. This girl was my first true love and also the girl who took my virginity. Now I know alot of people may say this is the reason for my feelings, but I knew how I felt way before we had sex. During the relationship our sex life broke down and our communication broke down too. The thing is I never told her she was my first until it was too late. We did'nt argue but we never discussed the things we needed to. Every now and again I would raise the point of the lack of intimacy and communication and we would talk then but nothing ever got resolved. I know I could of done better and I held back because I was scared. Now I look back on this I cant help feeling that I have done this to myself and lost the woman I truly loved. I said some spiteful things during the break up which has probably helped make up her mind. She says I made her feel uncomfortable, and that hurts. I was nothing but caring and loving towards her during our time together. I now feel awful for what I could of done and didnt.
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (22 March 2007):
Royofthe Rovers is verified as being by the original poster of the question Now I have moved away from her I am finding things just as hard to deal with. I have spoken a few times to her but she does'nt want to speak about it. She says she has said everything already, and feels strong about that and just wants to get the house sold and everything finalised. To me that seems cold, but part of me understands even tho it hurts. I just have to come to terms with the fact my best friend and soulmate (truly), has gone and that happiness and completness is gone. Whether or not someone is around the next corner is irrelevant at this time as I have never met anyone who made me feel the way she did, and that is hard to find.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (22 March 2007):
Royofthe Rovers is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Dizzy. Your right in what you say, it does take two for things to work. The thing is I was'nt prepared to do the simple things like talk to her. It kills me to think I could'nt do that for somoneone who brought me so much happiness and completness. I have told her exactly how I feel, I told her these things as soon as I saw how she felt. But if am honest to myself I know things will never be again, I acted way out of character for someone like me and she obviously has now made up her mind. She is a very strong character herself who once makes up her mind thats it.. I am now just trying to leave her in the my past but i know I have lost someone as a friend aswell as a soulmate for life. Thanks again mate, glad my advice made a bit of sense anyway..
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A
male
reader, dizzy222 +, writes (21 March 2007):
Hi Roy of the Rovers
Lack of communication has been the problem for me with past lovers, on certain issues that is and I've now learned not to hold things back, know matter how concerned or embarassed I feel about saying it. But it takes two to tango and maybe she didn't say the things she wanted to say to you. So don't feel so bad about yourself, it's not purely your fault. You seem like an understanding fella. What with the sex thing, and Im no expert believe me, but I think without communication, sex only becomes self gratification rather than a mutual experience and so I can see how things went slowly downhill, although im not saying that was the case but I feel for you mate. I don't know if you've lost her for good but I'd recommend writing her a letter to explain how you really feel. I know sometimes we can't always say out loud the things we want to in life, so if you love that much then tell her. Thanks for your advice on my issues by the way, it has enlightned me.
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A
female
reader, perkypanda  +, writes (20 March 2007):
All I can say is sometimes we have to be really ashamed of ourselves to learn something. Remember what you see as mistakes and you'll go in your next relationship stronger.
It's sadly one of those situations though where you'll worry you ruined everything until you meet someone new and then you'll go "Oh, I see what that was about".
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