A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 25-year-old man from central England who has Cerebral Palsy and uses a wheelchair. I am very scared of love, sex, sexual contact, and even typing "xx" in a message to my mates. Generally, if I fear that I’m about to see a boob or the other female thing, I turn my head, start to panic, my heart beats fast and I start to heave. At college, I could just about cope with my girlfriend’s flat chest (her dad gave her anti-development drugs for a unrelated reason) but even she made me scared. I trusted her and I love women and breasts but... I think I was sexually abused as a child, too young to remember it but old enough to be scared. When I hug my female mates, I never hug them properly because I don't want our chests to touch. I feel that if our chests touch, then it's means I'm a pervert. I know this is 100% wrong. I've argued with mates before because I don't cuddle them. It's the same with putting "xx" in a message. If I do this then I feel like I'm basically diving on top of the person. I know a few x's in a message to a friend means nothing. I know we joke about this but I trust you don’t take it seriously. Also, because of disabilities, college was famous for penises, nipples and pubes accidentally popping out. CP women with button PJ tops moving about, men with button PJ bottoms and baggy-legged PJ shorts. If this happened when I'm there, I ran to my room! I am really bored of this phobia. I wish I had somebody who is a close female friend who didn’t mind helping me. If it was a foot phobia or something, I would simply ask my friends to help me. I cannot ask anybody to help me exercise this phobia. I would not cope with porn, books or any material like this because it’ll be too much. I prefer to think that it’s just “Lucy” who I trust very much. I don’t actually know anyone called Lucy but I use this name as an example. In my lifetime, I've had 3 girlfriends and only one of these actually had breasts. K was my first girlfriend, I was 10, she was 7. K had severe CP and couldn't move any part of her body. K then died so it was another issue I had as a child. 6 years later, I arrived at Hereward and a girl called D was sitting near me, showing interest. I hid from her for a week because I was scared! Me and D did get closer gradually but we only ended up pecking each other's cheeks and things – we were just mates, basically.One night, I attempted to talk about breasts to D. Maybe she could have helped me get used to them but she wasn't interested and this was fine. D was ill and in hospital a lot. If she was well enough to be at college, she went home every weekend. So, I ended up ending the relationship. A couple of years later, I saw that C was in a unhappy relationship, she also could not go out with most men, so I thought if I asked C out then I had nothing to lose. Me and C are still together but we’ve met twice in 5 years! She’s in Kent and her dad blocks all contact between us. In reality, I hung on to her for 5 years because I don't think I'll find another woman. I don't have the confidence of asking somebody out and I don't think somebody like me will be asked out. I always end up as ‘second best’ to women and this really gets me down, above everything else. I don’t think C can help me due to her disability. Apart from D, I have never had interest shown in me in 'that' way. I believe C was only with me for her protection. My mates tell me I'm a nice, good looking guy but these are "mates". My ideal girl would be a dark blond or brown haired girl who is quite slim but cuddly. However, by the time I learn that I do want to be with them and I trust them, we are very good mates and to tell them this would spoil our friendship. So, I need to bury these feelings and get on with life. Nowadays, I feel like just a retard who sits in my flat all day with no mates. I am also that bad that no woman wants to go near me. I don’t even know completely what a breast looks like because I can’t bare to see (no joke). However, my guess is that it is like a mans chest but the nipple is replaced by a thing called a clitoris, which is shaped like a babies dummy. This is then protected and covered by a bit of flesh, which is why there’s the lump. This flesh then lifts up so that babies can get milk from the clitoris. Also, I am worried I’m getting really bad headaches and my testicals are swelling. Somebody has told me that it may be because I’m a virgin and cannot control my hands. It has caused me serious worry because I also read up online that men can have problems if they don’t do what men do. I don’t even know if I can get an erection because I can’t do it myself.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anon's Assistant +, writes (6 August 2010):
I am Anon's personal care assistant. This isn't a joke. This is what has happened in this guy's life. And how he feels.
I would just like to point out that he types with his nose that's why he has perfect grammer and spelling. He's very intelligent and there are several different types of Cerebral Palsy. Having CP doesn't instantly mean you have learning difficulties.
Also what has happened to him in his life has had the effect of making him very shy towards women. Anon's concerns and fears are real to him.
If anyone has any thought to this not being real and a wind up - my email address is [email address blocked]
I'll set the record straight.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou don't have to believe me. After months of support, I now know that it has something to do with my mum being raped. I therefore feel guilty about not stopping this as well as believing that anything to do with sex is perverted. To all those who have replied to this message, thank you for telling me how messed up I am. No wonder suicide rates are up, it's Dear Cupid's members telling people they're f'ked up. So, I now plead you to let me live my life and you may now destroy somebody else's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I don't believe this guy either, seems like a complete attention seeker! However, some of the answers here are totally ignorant. I have Cerebral Palsy but I have no learning difficulties, (I have an IQ of 120) not all people with CP do. I at university studying for a degree and I have a normal sexual relationship with my able-bodied boyfriend. I can write, type, drive, dance, talk normally etc. I don't no about this guy but I simply use a wheelchair because I can't walk. DON'T BELIEVE THE STEREOTYPE!
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (20 March 2007):
 "I did think of counselling but it may be hard due to my speech impairment" If this is the case, then I think you should print out what you've written on here and see about giving it to a professional who can help you. If s/he reads this, it will be better than struggling to tell the doctor what's going on.You might also want to include why you think you might be this way. See if it's possible to use a computer at the office to communicate if it's easier for you, as well. Most doctors have computers in their offices, you know.Also, if you want to educate yourself on anything you can always look up things like anatomy on google. Just make sure that you click on a reputable website and not a porn site since you seem to be very sensitive. Try wikipedia for breasts* and also for the female reproductive system** which you actually should have learned about many years ago.* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_reproductive_system
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Anon. I did think of counselling but it may be hard due to my speech impairment, hence the reason I thought typing it on a site like this would work. I will think of a way.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (20 March 2007):
Hey Anon,If you're serious, you need to seek the help of a professional counselor. Your CP has nothing to do with your feelings about anything that has a sexual nature. I've had two very good friends with CP - one who was a roommate of mine - and neither of them had problems as you describe.Your story is all over the place and is, quite frankly, shabby and hard to believe. But whatever problem you have - whether it be that you have difficulties with sexual topics or that you're a pathological liar - you need to speak with a counselor asap.Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am sorry that you don't believe me. FYI, Cerebral Palsy is a physical condition. Steven Hawkins is a genius, Christy Brown paints with his feet. I am not this gifted but I do have a GNVQ, which I studied by typing with my nose. Nevermind, I will seek advice elsewhere and will leave you able-bodied people to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): Quite frankly, what you are telling us is too weird to be believable. Either this is some kind of put-on or you have some really serious problems.
Why haven't you gotten a book from the library on the basics of female anatomy? Also, if you have not gotten counselling from a good therapist, you should do so.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Sorry I'm having trouble taking all this in. You ran to your room you say? In your wheelchair? You have cerebral palsy and you managed to type all that up with pretty zero spelling and grammar mistakes? From what I just read on wikipedia, you'd be suffering from learning disabilities amongst other stuff. You cannot control your hands but you managed to control them perfectly fine when typing out a message over 900 words long. Anyone else think this is all a fake?
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