A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My american friend (girl) has been planning to come over for a ages and so I invited her to stay with me for a few nights. She's been texting me on her progress with planning her trip for months and I got my spare room ready for her, booked a restaurant and organised a lovely day on Sunday and cleared my diary basically. Then two days before her arrival she sends me this message saying that she hooked up with an old male friend in London and that he has decided to travel with her so she won't be staying with me as he has organised a place for them in town. She had the temerity to say that it would make my life much easier as I would not have to worry about her and that we could still meet up but she would be with this guy (who, incidentally, may never see her again so I find it bizarre that you would risk upsetting a long term girlfriend in this way). I was really stunned that someone could be so insensitive… I have better things to do than a major cleaning marathon chez moi and organising my time to be able to be with someone who obviously has no respect for me. Is it just me are people just plain rude these days?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2014): I'd be hurt and disappointed and more than a little angry, LOL. But then I'd probably get over it and see my friend and 'her friend' too, mainly because she had come all that way and I'd want to see her and because I think life's too short to hold grudges or be angry with friends. You might find that you like her 'handbag puppy boyfriend' and have a really good time. As humans we can all be thoughtless and insensitive at times, but it takes a really big person and a good friend to forgive.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): Oh I'd be pissed and let her know it too. I wouldn't be pissed that I had to clean my place or anything but I'd be very pissed that a friend who promised me some fun personal time for a couple of days by staying at mine would just flake and decide it would be less hassle for me for them to bail on me.
I mean look, I'd understand if they ended up partying, taking LSD or other such fun drug and ended up too wasted or something. But to ditch me so she can have her hole filled by a guy she's not even close to? Well she can piss off because I've all of a sudden realized I'm too busy to meet up with her too because I too have other friends I can be doing fun shit with.
I know that's petty, OP, I know it's a bit of childish reaction but pettiness is warranted when people are that inconsiderate. I mean what kind of friend would just decide two days before she came over that she's going to spend more time with someone else when she'd made plans with you. Too flaky to be a friend of mine and worst of all there's no going back on it either, because if she decided to now stay with you because you were pissed off it would be for the wrong reasons and you'd know it's not what she really wanted.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (28 February 2014):
 Greetings,This situation reeks of additional information. Sure wanting to meet international friends is nice but without prior warning of future events is rude indeed.I hope you provided either a curt but neutral reply or non at all.This London chap either has some history with her that is unresolved however this should be arranged not in your time, you are not the third wheel here and this should be made clear.Make it clear how you feel but I warn you it sounds like your gf and Mr London will be sharing a hotel room together
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 I'd be telling her how it will make her trip so much easier if she doesn't have to worry about her old male friend putting up with the sort of talk old friends indulge in when getting together and how you look forward to talking to her once she returns home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): Can I ask you how you responded, if at all, to her message? Probably you already have responded but, now that I am older and wiser I know that I simply would not respond. As soon as you respond, in whatever way, you effectively say that you still want something from her. I would make her work WAAAAAAAYYYY harder to even get your attention at all. What she did sucks majorly - unless you two have always had an understanding that, as friends, if a guy somehow turns up you put the guy first?To be honest I've become very, very wary of international friendships - whether that person originates from abroad or from your own country and then went overseas to live and just make return visits. I've walked into international friendships with complete naivety in the past, so willing to give and accommodate people over here but from other countries, believing that they must be lonely and in need of friendship. Several times now I've found I've been used - one woman even writing a book whilst she was here and naming me as her best British friend on the acknowledgements page, only to dump me a couple of months later when she moved on and found someone else - when I asked her what on earth happened to our friendship she said that it was 'for that time'???!!! Other female friends I know are blatantly being used for free accommodation but are too kind, or too lonely, to refuse.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 That IS rude. Her excuse was lame too, like she REALLY decided to hook up with Mr. London to make YOUR life easier? Bullshit!
However, LOOK at the silver lining, you now have a CLEAN SPARKLY house and a couple of days off . make the best of it.
Seems like it's MORE important to her to get a little "British" in her then see you....
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