A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Six months ago, an old classmate from high school contacted me on facebook. We never talked in high school, but knew who each other were. So we messaged each other back and forth for about three months, then decided to go out. Our first date was back in November, and since then, we have been practically inseparable. We talked/texed several times per day, spent a lot of time together, and he spent about four nights a week at my house. Things were wonderful. We get along great, we have tons of fun together, and we were developing a solid, healthy, committed, long-term relationship. We are both 27 years old, have lots of relationship experience, and (I thought) were both ready to move forward in life together. So, long story short: things were great.About a month ago, he got mad at me over something very small, and even after I apologized for what I did, he said he needed time to think. I texed him once or twice, wrote him an e-mail, all with no response, so I decided to just give him his space. After about 5 days, he said he wanted to talk, so we did, and everything was back to normal. This past Saturday, I wasn't in the greatest mood, but we went out with a couple of friends' of his who were in town for the night. I had a couple drinks, and unfortunately, the alcohol intensified my bad mood, and in the car at the end of the night, I was being kind of bitch, naggy, and just all around immature and annoying. He didn't say anything to me. Just completely ignored me. When he pulled up to my house, he told me to, "Get the fu*# out of his car". So I did, stunned that he would talk to me that way. Of course I was acting like an idiot, but before we got to my house, I realized the mistake I was making, gathered my thoughts, and asked if we could talk for a minute. So after two more days of silence, he deletes me from facebook and calls me and says that it's over. Yet again, I was absolutely stunned. He refused to give me any real explanation, refused to hear anything I had to say, and hasn't called back. What do I do? Does he miss me? Will he realize the error of his ways and try to fix this relationship? Is there any hope for us?
View related questions:
facebook, hasn't called, immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (3 March 2010):
 This is K, the original poster. Thanks for the feedback so far. It's nice to know that maybe I'm not crazy, and that the reason he broke up with me is completely ridiculous and irrational. But why?? If I had cheated, or hit him, or called him names, I could understand why he would end it. Early on in the relationship, he told me that he's "not so good at the forgiveness thing". What an understatement!
Lexie88- I understand completely what you are saying, but it wasn't like that. We weren't inseparable necessarily, but we just thoroughly enjoyed being around each other and wanted to be as often as we could. I've been in relationships where everything was just "go, go, go" very suddenly, and you're right, those relationships do fizzle out very quickly. As far as I know, we were definitely on the same page. He is the one who said he wanted to date me exclusively. I let him dictate the pace of the relationship, and in many ways, we were taking things slow. For example, he just met my son last week. So I honestly don't think that our relationship was just great through my eyes. I've been in relationships where a guy "just wasn't that into me", and trust me, he definitely was.
And this is what confuses me. We genuinely had a good thing going on, and he just lets it go. How can he look past all of the amazing things about our relationship and focus solely on the one or two (minor) negative things?
Maybe this is me being naive or idealistic, but considering the ridiculous reason for the break-up and the haste in which his decision was made, do I stand a better chance of him coming back to me? I just keep hoping and praying that when his anger subsides and he realizes what he's missing, that he will call. I know...wishful thinking. But I just can't imagine that such a great relationship can just evaporate so easily over something so minor.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 I doubt it was anything you did...and if it was, then he's just immature. But like everyone else said, there's more to this than meets the eye.
What struck me about your post is how quickly you fell into a relationship. I know you talked back and forth for 3 months but after that it was constant, it was just go go go, there was no stopping. You spent so much time together, you talked everyday, you were inseperable etc. I'm not saying that this is wrong and you shouldn't have done it, but is it possible that things just fizzled out quickly for him, and now he doesn't know how to end it so he's making it seem like it's your fault/your behaviour?
You say "we were developing a solid, healthy, committed, long-term relationship..." is that your perception? Or did he feel the same? Were things just moving too fast for him, and he decided to bail, only thing is he doesn't know how so he's being immature about it?
I'd say that there's no point in trying to chase this guy and look for answers. If he wants to patch things up and apologize for his behaviour, let him come to you. If not, well it's his loss, let him go. You don't need someone this immature in your life. I'm sure there's someone better for you out there.
And one last thing...although I will make a great generalization here, usually the guys who start off with a bang also fizzle out very quickly. It's nothing you do or say, it's just the way it is. If you find yourself with someone like this again, where things are moving quickly, take a step back and lower your expectations. I can tell that you expected a lot from this guy (saying you were developing a solid, healthy, committed, long-term relationship) and now that he's gone and turned around like this, has disappointed you. So watch out and take things slowly.
All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (3 March 2010):
This is K, the original poster. (Unrelated note: I'm an English teacher, so I apologize for the typos in my post!) Anyway, thank you so much for your responses so far. They have helped me realize that I am not the crazy one and that what happened was indeed not a valid cause for the break-up. Reading these three responses have helped me feel better for the first time in almost a week, but please, keep them coming! I know I will need frequent reminders that I am not completely wrong in this situation. This is the most difficult thing I've had to deal with for a very long time. I am a single mom, and I am very choosy about who I allow to be around my son. So my relationship with _____ was a very, VERY big deal for me. (Although he only met my son once, we had plans to slowly incorporate him into our relationship, which was to happen very soon). I've been single for a long time, and I really thought that this could be "the one". Let me further elaborate for a moment. I know for a fact that he was/is not dating anyone else, so I know that that could not be his ulterior motive for dumping me. He told me early on in the relationship that he is "not good at the whole forgiveness thing". I believed him, but my goodness! I had no idea just how unforgiving he actually is. I'm just so confused.Maybe this is me being naive or idealistic, but I can't help but feel that since the reason for the break-up was pretty unreasonable and hasty, that that increases the likelihood of him coming to his senses. I don't want to "bet on" the fact that he will realize his mistake and want to make amends, but am I completely wrong in thinking that it's a possibility? I mean, if I had cheated on him, or hit him, or called him names, or did something else to warrant such an extreme reaction, I could understand more logically that he is done with the relationship. But I DON'T understand. We were happy. I know I was, and I know he was too. How can he let go of something so great? How can it be so easy for him to forget about all the amazing things about our relationship and solely focus on the few (minor) bad things?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 March 2010):
There is more to this that meets the eye. Everyone has a bad day, we all get mad, and we all get snappy. That's no reason to dump someone over something so little. I'm not sure this is a guy you should bother with. He doesn't sound ready or mature enough for a relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (3 March 2010):
 Do nothing. Yes, he misses you, but guys handle that a whole lot differently than girls do. He probably will not realize the error of his ways and try to fix anything as he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Yes, there's hope if you want to continue to go thru this with him whenever he feels threatened or belittled or afraid of commitment or whatever else makes him feel uncomfortable. Trying to contact him will only push him further away and hurt you by not getting a reply to your calls and texts, so try extremely hard to resist that temptation.
...............................
|
