A
male
age
41-50,
*orriedhubby
writes:My Wife and I have been together for 6 years and have a good relationship with 2 wonderful children. About 4 years ago I found a picture of a naked man in her drawer and when I asked her about it, she said it was just an old friend and that nothing ever happened between them. About 3 months ago I found some old love letters from this guy and what they described most definitely means they were NOT just friends. The letters described in great and very explicit detail what they used to get up to together and my wife was definately not shy!! The thing that shocked me about them was that my wife has NEVER been adventurous when it comes to sex and so I was stunned when I read about what they used to get up to. I told my wife that I had found these letters and she just brushed them off saying it was a long time ago. I presumed that she had discarded the letters, but this morning whilst tidying the cupboard, I found the letters again and also more from this guy and it looked as though she had tried to hide them within another innocent envelope. Why would she keep them? I know my wife had a bit of a reputation before we got together but didn't realise there was this other side to her. I know she's not in contact with him anymore because he moved abroad, but she is still in great contact with a male friend whom she used to send expicit texts to (until I found out!!), now she seems to delete her texts on a regular basis. Am I being over paranoid or should I be concerned?Thanks for any advice.Worriedhubby
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): hey worried hubby you are justified in being worried. half truth, deceit, deleting emails/sms, lies and so forth means that the good wife is up to something. plse do not discard mere online interaction. this has f*cked up many many marriages. watch the wife, she seems to be secreative and hiding something. what that something is , only you will know. be concerned, be very concerned. it means that your wife is investing in another relationship, another man - friend or not, that relationship is unhealthy.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 Some women cannot disassociate themselves from the past and need to keep somethings back for remembrance, especially those unforgettable events.
It is just for memory , a remembrance of their past when they were young.
Her deleting her text could be a red flag .It could be nothing or something and you need to observe her movements to find out.
It is better to delete any text to the opposite sex because it can be misconstrued or bring about suspicions in a relationship.
Some people may flirt a little on the side and this could cause suspicions or unpleasant feelings to the partner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Sometimes a certain partner brings out the wild side in us, while others bring out the more sedate side. If you would like a more adventurous sex life with your wife, like that described in her hidden letters then, talk to her about it. Shes probably keeping them because they bring back memories of something she found exciting, its usually the case. We tend to dispose of things that hold negative memories and hold onto the things with positive memories for us. I wouldnt worry too much about that. Just ask politely if she would mind disposing of them because you find them upsetting. If shes reasonable she will understand.
As for the texting. I would be concerned about that. Just keep an eye on things and if her habits with her mobile have changed over time, ie she now keeps a lock on her phone or she carries it around the house, disappears with it to the bedroom, loo ect. Then remark that youve noticed these things and ask if theres anythging she needs to tell you. Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): As usual, it turns out that the person's sexual past really is affecting their present and future.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 March 2010):
Hi there worried hubby. I would suggest that this requires more digging before you confront her. Certainly her keeping these letters and the sheer volume would indicate something had been happening with this other guy, but as he has moved abroad, chances are that it's over. However, she has been sending texts to another guy and you have found her out once. Now she seems to be deleting them on a regular basis. This could be innocent, but it could be guilty. You need more facts before you can form an opinion on what is happening.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Most probably she is indeed cheating on you BUT do not give up on her and specially not in the family you have build together. If she is with you and she has set a family with you is what matters. I used to have great, wild sex with my exboyfriends but I can't say the same about my husband, but I don't need it anymore either. We have a great family, we life in peace and armony and that's what is most important for me.
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