A
male
age
41-50,
*iratesmile
writes:I have begun to grow very close to a female coworker of mine over these past several weeks. We talk a lot, spend time with each other outside of the office and genuinely seem to click. We have both been guilty of flirting with each other on a regular basis and she has no fear of opening up to me with personal information. She also seems to really be committing pretty much everything that I say to her to memory which I have been taken aback by because most people don't really listen at all. The truth is that we just bring out a lot of good in each other and seem to really enjoy being together. Sounds good right?Heres the catch. There is an age difference between us. Its not a huge age difference but its a difference nonetheless. She has stated that she can not date someone who is my age nor can she date a coworker. I can respect that so I backed off to an extent. She is however still sending all of the regular signals and the flirting continues whether we are going out for dinner or just chatting in the office. Shes even canceled dates at thee last minute to go out with me instead. We have also scheduled out events together for months in advance.It just seems like she is sending out some mixed signals to me. The trick is that I want her to be in my life in some way and don't want to jeopardize a potentially great friendship if she really isn't interested in anything more. I guess that Im just not sure where I stand with her.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 I am with q1605. She is definitely not sending any mixed signals. I think everyone understands that she doesn't want any kids at the moment. She's too young.
I think we should abstain from giving this kind of opinions, but, if I were you, I would forget about her. She doesn't know what she wants from life just yet. And you're in a stage of life where you are supposed to know that very, very well.
A
male
reader, piratesmile +, writes (20 April 2008):
piratesmile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDanielepew - She is 19 and I am 30. There is definitely a gap."Do you have any children?"None"Does she have them?"Not at all"Has any of you two been married?"Neither of us have been married."If you, poster, don't have any children, do you want to have any?"I would like to have children some day but not anytime soon."In that case, would she want to have any?"She does want to have children but not at this stage in her life. This has been a topic of conversation between us before.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 April 2008):
Eleven years can mean little or a lot, depending on what stage of life you're in. An 11-year old with a 22 year old are only separated by eleven years, you know? So are an 18 year old and a 29 year old. And so are a 71 year old and a 60 year old. I think you will agree with me that these are very different situations. And then, a 21 year old with two children and a business of her own is in a very different situation than a 32 year old who doesn't have any children or a job.
I wonder if you two are in the same stage of life. If you're 35, then she's 46. Now I have more questions :-). Do you have any children? Does she have them? Has any of you two been married? If you, poster, don't have any children, do you want to have any? In that case, would she want to have any?
She's not old enough to be your mother. She could be perfect for you.
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A
male
reader, piratesmile +, writes (20 April 2008):
piratesmile is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for your replies. I just wanted to comment on a couple of things.Danielepew - "It would be good to know how many years are there in that age gap. Some people think that 20 years isn't that much. Other people think that three years is a hell of a lot."There is 11 years between us. You are right in people looking at age gaps in different ways. She may think that it's a big gap while I don't think that it's overwhelming. I would probably think differently if I were old enough to be her father.LonelyTwo - "Keep her in your life as a great friend! Anything wrong with this?"Nothing at all. This is exactly why I am now proceeding with so much caution.Ask oldersister - I can't tell you how much I appreciate your advice. I will definitely see where this leads.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 April 2008):
It would be good to know how many years are there in that age gap. Some people think that 20 years isn't that much. Other people think that three years is a hell of a lot.
I guess she has told you the truth. She likes you, but thinks that she shouldn't be dating a younger man who is also a coworker. She is giving you mixed signals because she can't make up her mind whether she will forget about that or not.
I suggest you stay away from her
1) to give her time to think what she wants, and part your way in a friendly manner, if that needs to be the case.
2) and to spare yourself the heartbreak. For as long as she keeps giving you this mixed signals, you will have hope. You don't know how long it will take before she finally makes up her mind, and her decision might be that she won't be with you. In the meantime, you will turn girls down, because you want to be with her; or, girls won't come your way, because you're taken. The odds are against you.
A hard lesson to learn, but a lesson we all need to learn: whoever comes our way must be sure of wanting us. We must demand that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): When it comes to anything, flirting included, practice makes perfect.
On the otherside, just accept it as a good friend. Who know her reasons, but bringing up dating seems to turn her off, again, for whatever reasons. Never try to get into a woman's head: you'll be dizzy!
Keep her in your life as a great friend! Anything wrong with this?
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