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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I have never taken a trip together (together 20 years), his choice. I take many vacations alone or with friends and love to travel. He won't go out to dinner, movies or parties. I do everything alone. He wonders why I don't want to have sex anymore? duh.... I am thinking of having an affair with someone who has been a close friend for quite some time, who I do believe I would enjoy having sex with, yet the feelings of guilt are overwhelming. He refuses to go to counseling. Should I seek counseling for myself, leave him or what?
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (22 October 2008):
 Hi Hunny
I was curious if you have ever asked your husband why he feels he cannot go out? And could this be some kind of social phobia?..If not love I would nail him to a chair and talk alot..Its been 20yrs and he hasnt changed so maybe he doesnt feel its needed then again if you have spoken with him he must realise something is very wrong, If this is the case and he see's how very unhappy you are why wont he at least meet you in the middle and go to a counsellor..Very puzzling...I would tell him you are going to counselling to gain some help with this situation as you canot live this way and you need some advise and help, He may have got used to you going away on your own, He may like the time by himself, He may think you prefere this time to yourself, it could be a million things.. Talking with him about what you have said here could shake the boat and maybe he would see how bad you are feeling and go with you if its got to the point of ending the marriage. This must have been brought up more than once over the last 20yrs unless he feels your happy with the situation and if he knows your not and has known for years and is not even trying to make a small amount of difference by helping save your marriage then does he still want it would be my question to him sweetheart. Id have been asking these questions years ago 20yrs is along time and usually people get into a routine with the added excitment in between, But he has his routine and you have yours..Has this become the routine? I do hope you get some answers rather than complicate your life futher with an affair I would try to sort things out and then move on from there TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): It sounds as if you and your husband have grown apart. Counseling for yourself will be good, it will help you to find direction.
A saying from Will and Ariel Durant:
"If you want the present and the future to be different from the past, Spinosa tells us, study the past, find out the causes that made it what it was and bring different causes to bear".
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): I can't advocate cheating, but I think if I was in your place I would be severely tempted!
Perhaps the threat of your leaving him might spur him into taking an interest in your life. Maybe even the threat of having an affair might do it but that could backfire on you.
Be subtle(ish) and the next time you go out, put on your sexiest underwear, stockings and heels, make up, perfume and dress to kill. He's bound to ask where you're going and who with, so you tell him it's just an ordinary night out with the girls. It should get him wondering. If not, he's a hopeless case!
I think the best way to approach this would be to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel - bored to tears with him - and don't pull any punches. Tell him if he's not careful he'll drive you into the arms of another man. He's probably so wrapped up in his own little world, and can't see the wood for the trees, that he can't see a problem. The only person to tell him is you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): OK,first,you need to get rid of the temptation of sleeping
with someone else.It's not right and you will live with the guilt for the rest of your life.You should go to marriage counseling and see what his views are and why he doesn't like having fun occasions.Then after he talks,you
can tell him how much it's affecting you and etc.Maybe then,he'll at least take in to consideration of going out more.
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