A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator's Note: OP's own title]Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles, I am in need of your advice and experience please!! I'm a virgin THINKING** about doing it for the first time with my boyfriend. We are both virgins and are talking about all** aspects including what happens if I get pregnant. IF we decide to to go through with it we want to use more than one type of contraceptive. We know loads about almost every type of contraceptive that is applicable to us except the sponge and spermicide so... We are doing our research but there are some things I can't seem to find.Spermicide...How does one douche? Do you NEED to rinse afterwards? How do you rinse it out?Can you get it out without doucing? If so, how? What are the dangers of douching?The sponge...Do you need to rinse out once you remove it?How serious and common is the increased the risk for urinary tract infection, toxic shock syndrome, vaginal infection or inflammation of the cervix? And how much is the risk increased? How much results in these symptoms?What about combining one of these with the use of the pill?And seriously, what on EARTH is douching?????We intend to get tested if we decide to go through with it. We would also get the HPV vaccine. I'm telling you the precautions we would take if we went through with it, so that you can focus on my specific** questions.Thanx a ton in advance for all you wonderful answers to my specific questions... :)
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both virgins, cervix, sperm, the pill, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cocoqueen88  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Use a condom anyways. you can NEVER be 100% sure about anything or anyone. make sure you do everything in your power to protect yourself. It can still be magical and protected.
and condoms are hardly "in the way". you really don't notice it if you got enough lube down there. there would be nothing more "in the way" than an infection or a baby.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 August 2010):
 "Exactly how foolish do you think I am being suggesting no condom?"
If you're on the pill, then you're not being foolish (so long as you're sure he's really a virgin/std free). Also so long as you've been on the pill for long enough that it's effective (it will say in the packet of info/directions you will be well protected. It's really frightening having him finish inside you without a barrier because it feels so dangerous, but there's actually less danger of pregnancy than a condom. So no, not foolish.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMiamine: Thank you sooooo much for ALL your help and advice. you are right, and am highly concerned about getting pregnant which is why I have made no decisions yet.
To All: That is why I'm doing this research. I do know abstinence is the only 100% guarantee, but I'm trying to weight up the risks first.
@Person12345: Thank you for ALL your advice, I found it really helpful. And thank you for giving so much detail, it was really helpful and insightful and I thank you for your time.
All: I thank you all for the time you took out of your days to reply.
@cocoqueen88: Right, no douching :) I am getting all my research together before I make any mistakes, it would be awful if something that is supposed to be beautiful ruined my life :(
@Overworried: Thank you soo much :)
And FINALLY: I have one last question:
I have been thinking about MAYBE not using a condom. It was MY idea, my boyfriend bought condoms because he loves and respects me, and wants me to be protected. He is also willing to wait for however long :) When we discussed the idea he didn't mind either way so long as we were SUPER careful. He wants his first time to be magical too. I kinda want my first time to be special and I guess it would be nice not to have a condom in the way. But like I said, no decisions have been made with regards to anything so...
Exactly how foolish do you think I am being suggesting no condom?
Again NO decisions with regards to ANYTHING have been made.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Dear aunts, this young lady is terrified of getting pregnant.. she will be using the contraceptive pill.. the problem is she wants to use all the contraception available at the same time, so pregnancy becomes an impossibility...
She thinks to use the sponge with the contraceptive pill, or any other contraceptive that will prove effective at guaranteeing no pregnancy...
The couple are both virgins, and will be tested for STD just to be sure.. she is being, extra, extra careful, and getting information before she dose anything at all..
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A
female
reader, Over..worried.  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 All this people already answered all your questions, but I am going to give you a suggestion:
Don't use the sponge, there are so many chance that in "the heat of the moment." It will not be used correctly.
Bitch control is not 100% and in 99% sure when used every day at the same time ..... believe me I am on it and I know at least once a week a take it an hour late.
Use birth control and a condom. It is the simplest to you and a condom will help protect you against STD's. As long at you use the proper size, there aren't many chances it will break. And if it does as some one said there is spermicide in them, that makes the sperm dead basically.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 August 2010):
Please listen to person12345, her information is correct, and I fear mine should be wrong.. see 99.9% effectiveness from the pill alone.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 August 2010):
It's good you're being so careful. However, if you're both really virgins, you can't possibly get or have any STDs. So you don't need to worry about getting tested and stuff (though the HPV vaccine is a good one to get unless you are a nun).Many many people have a bad reaction to spermicide/the sponge so make sure your first interaction with it isn't when you plan to have sex. Not to mention spermicide and the sponge are about as effective as pulling out. So pretty useless. The sponge is basically just a way of delivering spermicide (you wet it and stick it in I think up to 8 hours before sex) Spermicide needs to be used in conjunction with something else, like the cervical cap or a diaphragm or it really won't do anything. With the diaphragm and cap you need to be very comfortable being able to reach way up in there and wrapping your fingers around the thing so it doesn't spill. It also needs to sit for awhile while the spermicide kills everything. Furthermore, if he's well-endowed or you stick it in wrong, he can knock it out of place rendering it useless. I don't recommend the diaphragm, sponge, or cervical cap unless you want to take a gamble with pregnancy, risk a reaction, and make everything 100x more stressful and annoying. Yes, all of these things do increase your chances of TSS, but TSS is very rare. The odds of getting it are low unless you leave the thing in too long. Whatever you do, don't douche. Your vagina is your cleanest organ. It's self-cleaning and and great at it. When you douche you destroy that mechanism temporarily. You actually vastly increase your odds of getting an infection when you douche. So just don't do it. Like I said, spermicide should never be used without something else. I personally wouldn't recommend anyone use it ever.The pill is 99.9% effective if you take it properly, so unless you're prone to being REALLY unlucky, you won't get pregnant from it. So you really only need that. Short of an IUD or sterilization, it's absolutely the safest option. It sounds like your best bet. As long as you take it at the same time every day (set a reminder) and follow the directions, you won't get pregnant. I know it's scary to trust a pill/your body rather than a barrier, but it's incredibly effective by itself. He can finish inside you and you don't have to worry. I've been on the pill without backup (no condoms or sponges or spermicide) for years as have three of my friends and it's been very effective for all of us.For your first time I might even just stick to condoms though. If he gets the right size and you put lube on it (the outside of the condom, not in) and pinch an inch at the top (so there's room for the semen), it has a very low likelihood of breaking or slipping off. They are very strong and individually tested for safety. Plus you will know if it fails, so you would be able to take the morning after pill. Just a reminder, never take the morning after or Plan B pill while on any other method of hormonal birth control.I highly recommend you take a look at this page:http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htmSo to summarize:Spermicide is only used in conjunction with something else, isn't very effective, and is irritating to your insides.Sponge is basically spermicide and isn't very effective either.Douching is bad for you. Never do it.The pill is incredibly effective when used correctly and doesn't require any back-up methods.Condoms are your next best bet and should be the right size, and used with lube. You can take the morning after pill if it breaks as well.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 August 2010):
Babes, if you use the sponge, the pill, and the spermicide, you will kill probably anything that dares to get near to you.. lol.. hahahahaha... lol...
Don't worry, the doctors have the "morning after pill".. if this is taken within 72 hours it will prevent pregnancy. Also if you check you watch you periods carefully and take a pregnancy test as soon as you miss one, the doctors will give you a tablet (or fit in a coil) that will bring on a period and that will flush out any foetus (unformed child) that might be growing...
See, there are so many things to make you safe, and even if things go wrong, there are still back up plans to protect you from pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 August 2010):
This website is what we use in Britain to get advice on contraception.. http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Contraception/Pages/Contraception-hub.aspx
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 August 2010):
No Douching, it is not recommended as it washes away your natural protection, it can change the ph level's in your vagina and leave you open to getting more infections.
Douching is a rubber bag which you fill with water, it has a tube which you put in the vagina and it pushes the water up.. As I said this is no longer recommended for women to use, it dosen't prevent pregnancy and your vagina is clean enough...
lol.. you really are worried about this pregnancy thing... The sponge will add extra protection, it covers the top of your cervix and prevents the sperm getting in. Not sure if you wash the sponge of not.. sorry...
"How serious and common is the increased the risk for urinary tract infection, toxic shock syndrome, vaginal infection or inflammation of the cervix? And how much is the risk increased? How much results in these symptoms?"
All these become more common if you douche... and I suppose that putting things into your vagina like the sponge will increase the risk a little.. but we are talking about a little risk, probably less than 1%. If you want to feel safe, then a sponge and the pill will make you as protected as the pill and a condom. You must however take the pill properly and the sponge must be correctly inserted.
Sigh... you'll be safe enough honeypie.. but as I said before, no matter what you do, there is always a 1% risk of getting pregnant...
If 100 women have sex and use the pill or any other combination, one of these women will get pregnant... you really will probably be safe, but no one can guarantee this.
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (9 August 2010):
I'm not sure what a sponge is so I can't really answer those questions. douching and spermicide are 2 completely different things.
Spermicide is used with a condom most times and kill sperm. the condom is the main layer then spermacide is like a just in case it breaks or something. i'm not entirely sure though. maybe some of the other aunts can help you out there.
Douches are just bags of cleaning solution. you use the tube it comes with to put the solution into your vagina to "clean it out". this is in NO WAY a form of birth control.
after years of research a lot of doctors don't recommend douching because the vagina is a self cleaning organ and needs some of the organisms that douching "cleans" out.
definately DO NOT have sex until you do more research about how to prevent STDs and pregnancy. definatelt talk to a professional about it before you make a mistake.
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