A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:how come if a women has slept with lots of men people see her as a slapper but if a man has slept with lots of women everyone sees him as 'cool'? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (16 April 2009):
 Standards in social environment are made by people. In a patriarchal society, men set the standards and norms, rules, values. This is why there is a movement called "women's lib" or "suffrage", Right now, you and I live in patriarchal societies, where men are the perceived "rulers".There are not many societies where females set the standards, but they do exist. You will probably learn about this in your sociology or history class.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): It's very unfair and as the saying goes 'women halve their number and men double theirs.' just to conform with what society deems as 'right'I don't think it's fair as men are sleeping with women so what do they expect? That they are the only ones in having fun?It's a terrible double standard as men also 'want to marry a saint yet sleep with a sinner' hello?!Also, my personal opinion, those people who tend to criticise seem to be women gossiping against other women where I think men aren't truly bothered if a girl has slept around a bit.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (16 April 2009):
 The reason is not societal: it's nature. And very simple: it's because women are the ones who get pregnant. A man can have sex and run away, whilst a woman has to be more careful because she could end up with 9 months of pregnancy and decades of bring up a child.
If men were the ones who had to carry the child, then the tables would be reversed.
The interesting thing is that whilst contraception has obviously changed this, our nature is something we are stuck with, and hence our feelings and attitudes about this remain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah, well i plan not to have sex until i'm married because i'm a christian but i just thought it was a bit sexist is all and i didnt really understand it, but thanks, your replies made sense. it really is a stupid thing and theres always questions on here about men wanting to deal with their girlfriends past when they have done the same or worse, society can be stupid sometimes.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 April 2009):
 This is just society I'm afraid - men and women have never had true equality and it also applies to sex. When a man has sex he is thought of as a "stud" because he can get girls into bed. This stems back from evolution - the most attractive, strong and best hunters got the women - therefore by being able to "pull" lots of women the man is seen as more successful and that he is a better man because of it.
Whereas women have in history always been supressed and there is a strong ideal that a woman should be dutiful to her partner (her only partner). In the past, it was not uncommon for men to have multiple lovers alongside his wife, whereas she would have to remain faithful!
I dont think you need to worry about this too much, there is no way you can change society so it is something you have to live with. You will find that most men today do not mind their girlfriends having a few sexual partners (as long as you do not take this to the extreme!). Sex is something that should be enjoyed and is great fun, however it always means so much more with someone you love.
So while some men may sleep around having one-night stands, they will be lacking so many amazing experiences you can get from having sex with someone you love. I dont actually believe that having one-night stands is wrong - I have had 2 in my past (and I'm female!) and they were fun, what I needed at the time and left me feeling empowered. However I much prefer to sleep with someone I really like, it is much more exciting to be dating someone for a while and then finally sleep with them!
So I think you just need to find a balance - sleeping with every man with a pulse is just not a classy thing to do and will have some serious health implications (lots of sexual activity from a young age causes cervical cancer, and obviously sex always runs the risk of pregnancy and STI's). Whereas not sleeping with a guy just because your conscious of your "number" of sexual partners is just silly, if it feels right with a guy then there is no reason why you should not have sex with them. And even if you do end up sleeping with quite a few guys, hopefully when the right man comes along he wont care because he loves you for who you are!
I hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): I think it stems from the idea of the manly man and the ability to spread his seed showing signs of strength and ability to breed and thus proove himself the alpha male, as in most species.As for women, they have always been seen as something dainty, respectful, subservient, homely, childbearing, faithful and "un-charred".Women are becoming equals all around lately, it seems, but there is still this stigma attached to sleeping around.It is just one of those things generated by a public consciousness. Its just not deemed very "ladylike"And im not sure i want that to change - theres just no need - the black widow, eating her partner after sex, isn't preferred over the idea of swans who mate for life - so i guess men shouldn't be so bad either!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): thats true its rotten double standard.
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