A
female
age
30-35,
*lise
writes:The past couple of days he was all over me with cuddles and kisses and affection today he was was cold he talks behind my back and he's a completely different person .Only.yesterday we was talking of marriage and future .Only yesterday we was talking about what a good day it had been .We was doing things together and it was perfect to.me.i felt he was happy but deep.down he isn't I think .Today he decides to give me silent treatment and yes I had this with him many times before and he didn't want to slove our problem with him bring in a mood with him.He tells me to go and enjoy in my.life and he sulks and goes moody cause I said to stop moaning at my son and this lasts for over two hours of silent treatment most times its a whole day , and this really hurts me to ne honest. I know men and some.women do this and it's there way of calming down in a way .I got realy upset to the point i was crying after he said go and enjoy ur life . Ishut the door and after that I didn't bother giving his dinner to him though i made it a I did and put it in the microwave he could have anytime. and I didn't bother doing the candles with him for my son to wish my son a happy bday as as whats the point if he is in an attidue like that . I talk to my mum as i was hurting i told her what had happened I didn't say he was all bad and this stuff , after I shut the door of the TV room not slamed it .After getting the ipad for ethan gone 8 pm He then says wow no dinner and I don't get to.sing happy bday . I said well look at ur attidue whats the point in joining in on something if ur in a bad mood with me .I then try to calm him.down and reassure him about us that it's silly to argue and what he said to me hurt an awful lot .he then goes mad tells me.to.get off him as I was trying to hug him in a way making myself cause i was stil hurting but I was fed up wih arguing with him he then throws a.glass and then punches the door .The glass was near to me and when he closed the door in my face the punches was real and it left a mark in the wall .Apparently I shouldn't of said what I did, and I should of kept my.mouth shut APPARENTLY as he was holding the bags they was heavy and my son was in his way of getting them.into the kitchen from the front door so he told him off I said dont get moody with him please as its my sons bday .He took that far and was therefore in this mood early evening with me I didn't go on and on and I just said don't get moody with him that's all I said .I thought it was extremely pity and SILLY to.carrY.on an argument from his side as I reassured him and wanted to know if he was OK and to sort.things out with him.before the candles was blown out in the other room then after i tried to sort things out with him.i eaten a bit of my dinner aswell in the dining room it was nearly 8pm by that time and I thought he could go and get it anytime .He didn't know I had dinner after my son had blown the candles. My mum was on video call when ethan blown out the candles aswell. I Tryed to resurre him.and like why is he getting mad over that I done nothing wrong .He then Holds all that against me. In both before the cake and after the cake was done .I hear him talk to his mum from.downstairs and in the conversation around 9pm when I got ethan to bed . I hear her saying oh ur an idiot staying with her , leave her , and that he should goout and cheat on me and this point I'm shaking and near to tears .She also had felt SORRY for him for what he told her which wasn't all what I'm saying now.in my.side.of the story just I said to him.not to moan like that towards ethan And that I didn't give him his dinner and I. Blow ethans candles without him .He said I shut the door of the TV room where was was sitting to her yet never said why when he said the things he said .I went downstairs and said so u and ur mum are talking about cheating on me .He said.oh his mum was joking , cause they seemed.to know I was listening yet I was upstairs so I didn't really believe they would know that to be honest .Then he said oh he wouldn't go cause he loved me and apparently said he wouldn't cheat not my type .He Told her about the glass and that he got mad at me and she didn't even seem to care or ask him why he would act in such a way .Apparently I'm.the weekend spoilerhe tells his family yet we dont argue every weekend and he dont tell them all the good times we have. yet it was him dragging it on again .He called me asshole, that I'm.a.bitch and,that I'm.horrible and he then ignored me and when I started crying he then just put on the TV ordered a takeaway and didn't care at all .He then went to bed in the same.bed at 3am hedid not put the blanket over himself, I said you can have the Blanket as it's urs and before I asked him why isn't he using it , he then said I was moaning again and that I was just like my.son causing drama when I was actually caring wondering why he would you one sheet when it's NORMALLY two as usually when we argue we use the same.blankets together still he then still acts cold and full of hate towards me.and says about the past couple of days he has just been a taxi driver like for me.and I say to him you offered to pick up my son the other day from his club and, take me.to the hospital to see ur baby boy that was only yesterday to see the 20 week scan ,he wanted to.go shopping for food and that that same dsy the day was great .Yes I wanted to go to one shop to get cake and balloons for ethan but he suggested it I never asked .I never thought he has resentment or any hate towards me.in his attidue but then i guess deep.down there was .I could felt his hate and I could feel he dosent seem to care when I done nothing wrong so I left the bed to go downstairs saying sorry for caring , he then got under both blanketsafyer that.But how can a man get so cold over me just saying why was he moaning at my son on his bday I only said it once .not constantly and he sulks for hours then he got worse cause I try to make up and sort it out he don't want to know when I give space he feels left out regarding cake and eating the dinner alone though he didn't know or see I eaten a bit of dinner at 8pm on my own.I don't know what to do anymore I said before I went downstairs it's not working out like this what's the point in being together if it's like this he then said like he did downstairs when he said it again yes to right .. I thought he was HAPPY and that but he obviously wasn't all this time He said nothing bk to that. I don't believe in sharing a bed with a man that is cold , makes you feel u done.wrong by not.going under his Blanket and that dosent want to.sort anything out , not only that he didn't care i was crying either and that to me is a red flag he said before I went up and stil crying that u can cry all u want .. Like hello I wasn't faking tears at all , it really hurt me.when he called his mum over to.talk about me.and not only that him.swearing at me.which wasn't banter at all from.him as yes he can have a dry sense of humour which come.across as harsh in a scarasric way . my mum called at 9pm again as I texted her how I felt when I heard his mum ask him.to cheat on me it was all bad on him but cause it was by video she could already of seen I was upset and I don't lie so I told her what had happened before the cake was blown out by my son exactly word to word she was worried about my blood pressure as I'm 19 weeks pregant she told me I looked stressed and looked I been crying I was hot and red looking like my temperature had gone up I try to tell her.its the norm for me as when I get upset with him it hurts cause I care etc .She then just came.out on loud speaker he isn't allways that nice to me . And to be honest she is allowed her opinion like his mum is ,I'm not saying he wasn't hurt by me talking to my mum about what happened It was on loud speaker I don't believe in talking bad behind people's bks and I wasn't he could hear .But wih what he said before that for me.to.go and enjoy my.life after I shut the door . when we had like extreme loving and a deep connection the past few days it was only yesterday he was talking about marriage and he loved me , that I was perfect but yes that was after we had sex . we have an extreme loving realtionship usually he don't leave my side , he's always there and caring normally we laugh , we joke we have made memories for the past two years , we are having a baby together it seemed a dream but after tonight I don't know .I told him not to ruin it and he forgets about these good times we had yet he says he dosent but he does in arguments as he prolongs it for hours on end .But honestly when I say perfect like perfect sex life perfect in attidue normally and perfect in humour , soul minded and spiritually together normally .We usually sort problems straight away aswell .But tonight it seems different than all arguments we had .Have I experience him.like his in arguments I dare not to say it but yes is it my fault regarding I say the wrong thing for him.to.act his way I just don't know ..He has put his hands around me.once a few months , he has punched the door before he has turned over sofas so I couldn't go on them he has ruined a table over an argument yesterday argument left a mark in the door and I don't know how I will explain that to the landlord when I rent the property he dosent did he care he left a mark in the door no he didn't either ..He has made me.cry many times this man over the past two-years yes ut I saw it as normal as everyone has ups and downs .Does he comfort me in those times is a never he don't know how to .and I don't know how to respond to him sulking like he did yesterday on my sons bday .I dont know why it takes him to give me.silent treatment to make me.feel bad after for what seems ages I just wanted to make up , and be ok together like we normally are .He has even got to the point to turning all the electrics off and leaving the house to his mums in one argument a month ago as yes I suffered from insecurities from my.past relationships and I said I didn't feel enough for him loads of times when I been hormonal. I have said to him I don't feel he loves me cause yes it may sound silly but with the fact he allways looks at attractive women online made me.insecure and made me feel ugly .Yet he said he wasn't looking and that he loves me. Only .I had to get over it and those arguments.I hav accepted responsibility for them regarding he got mad over the fact I got insecure . Sometimes I think of it and yes it starts an argument but it has been ages since .Yes in a way not wanting him to of looked at women online I was being controling for that and processing and jelous .I would admit i was jelous and scared of losing him deep down but not processing and controling as didn't stop him i just told him how it made me.feel .My mum things he should grow up , and she worries mainly for my blood pressure when I'm pregnant she don't want me losing a baby over it .I have many people get on with daily not a anti social person at all .Have I considered moving on yes lots of times I also have wanted to give up so many times .And so has he.But this time something don't feel right .Like him getting mad I don't know I feel maybe it's best to cal quits for real yet it don't make sense we are close deep down I try to make it better but it just seems I make it worse cause I hurt more when he's mad and dosent want to make up with me.Like I said I rent this house, having a baby but i feel to go to a refuge with how violate he is being there . I just didn't expect it again me.being pregant and he shows anger like that. I had a great day with my son despite this and so didn't son .You know we even went out by 3pm to the shop I got us a new bed base for our bed that he wanted to do and go out , I got us dinner and yes I spent money on his drink for the evening . He suggest the balloons for his bday and he blown them.up the night before I sent all the videos I took of my son opening the presents though the day , and he played all day , my son had a great day apart from when Daniel got upset over what I said about not moaning at him.as it's his bday. He was watching me.wrap them.up the night before and we was laughing together thinking of baby boy names it just don't make sense how it's got like this .We was happy the hours before, we had this passionate sex in the morning before he woke up.in the afternoon he was all over me saying about marriage and I was perfect we was so happy for those two hours cuddling in bed amd so.was he it just don't make.sense .Yet he forgotten about that is cold and leaves me crying he goes like that after everything we have done and do . Just want some advise I know he's not in all the wrong here I can't sleep tonight yet he can I need acweconf opinion on this. Please help . Thankyou x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MysticalStella +, writes (1 March 2022):
 I'm going to leave you with something to think about. If your partner was unable to control his legs or walk properly, you would accept that he would have a disability and special needs, right? If your partner was unable to control his hands or pick things up properly, you would accept that he would have a disability and also have special needs, right? Okay so what about your partner who is unable to control his emotions, his feelings and behaviour? What about your partner who is unable to handle conflict in his life and control his anger or negative emotions? How come you're giving this man such a pass over his anger, his coldness, and his inability to control his emotions and feelings? I'm assuming that the man we're speaking about is an adult. If he hasn't learned how to control his emotions and feelings in adulthood, when most people learn to do this in childhood, how much more time are you prepared to give him to learn? What if he doesn't? What is it about you, what you think and believe, that makes this level of emotional abuse acceptable? How do you justify being with a man who cannot control his anger, his emotions and feelings? What if he physically attacks, or assaults you or your children? Think about this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2022): If your man is being aggressive you have every right to call the police who will escort him out and from there you would probably need a restraining order.
You would have to be mentally strong because he would take this to be a challenge to his authority and use all kinds of persuasive manners to get back into your pants and head.
It's not exactly worth being sorry for this kind of guy because they will court you as if they love you whole-heartrdly but suddenly switch the agenda to aim to lnock you back.
At the same time they are men.tally switching alies so that they can verbally kick you.
It makes them "feel good" about themselves.
They need to batter down your defencez
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2022): I'll be honest.
I have ONLY read the title "Don't know whenever to end this relationship cause of his anger issues". I don't need to read the rest.
People do not have "anger issues". They just allow themselves to use people they don't respect/are not afraid of as punching bags.
You cannot solve him.
I know, I have tried.
You can either stay and be a punching bag or leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2022): To reply to a question from one of my answerers.
I do pay all rent yes and bills he helps towards food as he has a car to pay and there is no money left from him to help out anymore than he can .
I'm here for a yearly contact thrblandlord has kindly let me stay a few more years as he plans to sell in a few year time do I have time to save to move again.
The tenancy is in my name.
Only .
And I have told him to get out loads of times in arguments he has refused he's a big guy and I won't be messing with him in arguments after what he did that friday night. I'm OK if he does move out he has no where Togo if he does I know that .
I have tryed to end it with him loads of times but he won't have it I can't have stress to try and get a grown ass man out when pregnant so in the meantime I try and get on with my day and put my son first now if my son is happy that's thr main thing .he knows if he is violate I wil call thr police I have said that in all his aggressive acts .he has been threatened and told alots of times but i know and now see thanks to this site that he has mental health problems to and he has issued them like i have with MY past health .
I think very differently of hin since Friday and with thrbhelp of others opinions the truth and light is coming out that yes I agree with you he is a monster and he isn't who I thought he was at thr beginning just wish I kew what I knew today .People don't change agree with my answerers there and thank you for helping you guys much appreciated xx
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 February 2022):
 Like WiseOwlE, I too got part way through your post and realized it was just a vent and that it is pointless telling you to leave this man because you are not ready to do so. You think you can "fix" him. Sweetheart, if you don't take notice of anything else I write, please believe THIS: you can only change a man if he is in nappies.
It is YOUR choice to be wit this man, but your poor son has no choice in the matter. Having a violent moody role model like this man and seeing his mother put up with it, your son will grow up thinking this is the correct way to treat a woman and will treat his future partner in the same way. How sad that you do not want better for your son.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2022): Sorry, I didn't bother reading your whole post, because it was mostly venting and it's somewhat incoherent. I only took a few very important points into account. Your boyfriend punched a door, hit a wall, and threw a glass that nearly hit you. You mentioned he has anger issues. He got worse, he got aggressive with your 8 year-old son!!! For me, that's the last straw.
Nothing much our advice does in these cases, because all he has to do is mention marriage and say the words "I love you" and everything he has done is forgiven and forgotten...until the next round of mess.
I've been with DC since 2013, and experience has taught me that sometimes the ladies who write us are only asking for a way to fix some no-good man they should have left a long time ago. The good thing about boyfriends are they are exchangeable and disposable. You don't have to get a divorce. You just kick them to the curb!!!
My post for you will be short. You don't marry a man who gets violent, and hits or throws things; and you surely don't bring some man into a child's life who isn't even his biological-father, but he gets aggressive and shouts at him! The boy witnesses all this going on, and I know you aren't going to give that man up. That's why my response will be shorter than my usual posts.
If you enjoy all this drama, you're likely to keep him. I advise for the boys sake, that man should go. He's the worst example and role-model a boy could have. That's all you get from me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2022): I understand that it is easier for you to kiss and makeup because you don't want to believe that your man is a monster in disguise but I must tell you a cautionary tale:
I had a male friend once who was polite and charming.
He met a beautiful girl who seemed perfect.
I thought everything was just fine for them and they had a perfect baby and a perfect life, I assumed.
The problem was that he was a control freak with anger issues and he started beating her up in his angry outbursts.
At one time he broke her arm. She forgave him ...perhaps because they had a baby together and so on.
Eventually he broke her jaw and she left him for good.
She went back to her mother's house.
I lost all contact with them and this was all years ago!
Hitting a woman is a reason for the woman to get out!
Breaking bones is also a reason to get out.
Throwing a glass at you is a red flag for you to know that this man is not good for you.
Usually this kind of man just gets worse.
Your partner should feel protective towards you when you are pregnant!!!
He should not be throwing glasses at you.
He should not have a temper tantrum if you suggest he be super kind to your little one on his birthday.
He should not be doing everything he can to annoy you and get right under your skin.
He won't grow up because he cant...
Are you both paying rent or do you pay all the rent and all the bills?
How long is the tenancy for?
Is it in both your names?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2022): I'm sorry to tell you that he is in the wrong.And you are not in the wrong!He punched a door...So you can see he can't internalize his anger and deal with it.If your son starts kicking doors when he goes to nursery they will tell him off and give him a cooling down time.If you plan to stay with him then you had better not believe the lovely things he says when he is in a happy mood because he changes too fast to be normal!And then looks to his mama for support against you.If you went to a refuge while you are pregnant and with your son it would be easier than going with a newborn. Your partner is training you to be what he wants you to be.That is he wants you to worry about what he says to his mama.He wants you to be scared of his terrible temper.He wants you to think it's your fault.Ultimately he thinks he is your superior and if he wants to shout at your son then he should.If you say to him: don't do that he will punch things. If you stay together you had better start saving money because his temper is his tool to destroy you with.Unfortunately it's not love.It's a sort of love where he's allowed to do anything and if you do anything he doesn't like he will pull out all the stops to try to destroy you.I wish I could say: oh the poor man he just thought you weren't being nice to him after he did the shopping so he lost his sanity ( poor man). But he behaved badly and he wanted to upset you.So he did.Just to try to control you.So just remember that another kind of guy wouldve laughed it off and got on with being happy but he was determined to make you unhappy so he is being a jerk.An aggressive jerk!
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