A
male
age
30-35,
*haqito09
writes:I am 17 years old. My bestfriend and I dated for about 6 months, but we've known each other for about 3 years. Well we broke up, but now were just bestfriends again. Well anyways, her ex that she dated for a year, and lost her virginity to is still in love with her, and they've been broken up for almost 2 years. But I found out that she wants both her ex and I in her future. I'm not sure what to do. I even bought her a promise ring for her birthday in June, and she still wears it, but her ex bought her one to for Valentines day this year, and she wears it SOMETIMES when she's not with me. Then I also found out they had sex only once since we've been broken up, and I'm not sure what to do, because she and I still have sex, and kiss and everything intamate. So can I get mad at her for that, or no since were not technicaly together, and just act like it?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 This sounds like such a mess and the only one having a good time is your ex and so called best friend! You need to see she is playing both of you - she gets to have sex with you and be intimate etc, and your still her best friend, and then she also gets to have fun with her ex too!
The first thing you need to do is get an STI check (unless you have used condoms every time) because she is sleeping with both if you, therefore she could be spreading any disease around that this other guy is carrying.
Now with regards to this girl, she is clearly too immature to realise the hurt she is causing both of you, and too immature to realise that she cant have both of you in her life. If I were you I would just leave this girl alone and never speak to her again because she sounds like bad news, but seen as you have been friends for so long I cant imagine that you will do that.
So what I'm wondering is why you decided to get together in the first place? Surely if you were such good friends you wouldnt have wanted to risk having a relationship in case something like this happens?
You are in a really tough situation here; one thing I know for certain is that you have to stop sleeping with her and being intimate if you want to remain best friends. If you continue the sexual side of the relationship then you can never be "just friends" as there will always be something more. You say her ex is still in love with her - how does she feel about him? Does she want to get back together with him? I suggest you keep your distance from her for a while so that she can figure out what she wants from him.
You also dont mention why you actually broke up - what was the reason? You need to remember that when you break up with someone, then there is normally a good reason for this. Therefore you shouldnt still be carrying on any more of a relationship other than as friends. The best way to get over someone is to not see them anymore and not talk to them, if you are still intimate with her then you have no hope of ever getting over her!
So stop sleeping with her and kissing her etc, she is not your girlfriend anymore. Give her some time to figure out what she wants from her ex - there is no point in you sticking around when he is on the scene. And try and distance yourself from her if you can - she is only going to hurt you and play with your feelings.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, lezlie  +, writes (16 March 2009):
Get some straight answers from this girl. Seems like shes playing you both for fools. If she keeps this up, shell soon have no one.
Tell her you like her and dont understand why shes going off with her ex. If shes not having any of it, move on, cut her out.
Although something tells me, as soon as your gone, shell want you again. Tell her where to go.
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