A
male
age
36-40,
*odo85
writes:Please help me! I just don't know what she means now or she really doesn't want this relationship anymore? Really sorry for the long post but i'm really out now and don't know how to explain it... Thanks so much if u can help me!The questions i'd like to ask:- What does she mean exactly by this relationship changed me a lot and i want some time to find myself?- Why did she say she wants to be single when we're far from each other? I mean she's alone there now so she can do whatever she wants, right? She means do not call her, text her, e-mail her or something like this? And do not send her any emotional things? Like romantic messages, romantic e-mail, e-card and so on...?- Why did she say this remember that u have ur right to choose happiness always....?- She can say she needs time to short her things out instead of saying be single, rightThe e-mail she sent me:I just feel always bad and unhappy without u here. I wanna work this out with u, but u know i'll be out of my mind soon. I dont really want this, but i know if i insist leaving u will accept it. I think u know my love is real, but this sadness is so real that it's killing me now. Baby, i'm serious this time. I cannot go on like this anymore and plz refuse me even if i call u again. I know what is best for us, i mean i dont deserve u waste time on me. And i have no idea what do i want. I already dont want boys around me, just wanna be alone. When im writing,my tears rolling down again bcz our old memories came back to my mind but i cant change my mind before i regret. Before i said maybe i leave just bcz i love u too much. This time, my problem is i started to be so scared and emotional. I feel i cant give u the future. The truth is the more i miss u the more sadness i feel. U can understand this i guess. I cant say being apart or being fine all the time to make ur heart suffer... I'd really be happy if we can be friends but if u dont accept then i can only ur decision to be nothing. I'm really sorry for all these that i even have no courage to say it from my mouth. I cant beg u for forgiveness and i know u will never forgive me. Still plz accept my wishes to u. I LOVE U really really much...And i replied to her:First of all, i really don’t understand why when we talked on the phone u were seem fine with everything and later on changed ur mind quickly, don’t even give urself enough time to think about it. However, u’re hurting me over and over but i’m trying my best to get over with it because the feeling i’m feeling to u is so strong that i would forgive u everything because i can’t get u out of my mind, even for 1 second. Probably u know that i’m trying to be strong and all the things i’m telling u because u wanted me to explain to u and i’m willing to do it because i didn’t want any misunderstanding between us but u don’t give me that chance and just keeping push me away and also i never feel tired of it. I’m not blaming u here, what i want to know is have u ever considered really deeply why i’m saying all these? Do u know why i’m doing all these? I don’t need u to answer me, just ask urself if u can. No matter how, no matter how many times i’m doing or trying to do i don’t know u can understand it or not but hopefully yes and u know the reason. U have problem with me when i contact u, u have problem with me when i don’t contact u. U put me into really bad position so i don’t know sometimes what i should do but still trying to fit to u, being patience, making u happy, put smile on ur face. My decision would like to be working this relationship out like u said u wanna do it too... All i'm asking u is be strong, i know u want me to be beside u and i promise that we will be.... Do u know what am i doing? Trying to be strong, focusing on our relationship to make it better, focusing on the things i'm doing even while i'm doing these i'm thinking of u every moment, even when u hurt me a lot before but i never say it out because i love u more than anything else and i believe that we can be together, we're gonna be the happiest couple in this world. Also i'm forgiving u all the time. U said u'll be out of ur mind soon then think like this, how can u become successful later in the future? I mean focus on ur study because what u said u wanna go for master degree... This is really important and i'm here to support u, i'm here to encourage u in everything. During these times u can even watch movies, hanging out with ur friends, these things will stop u from sadness. U asked me to refuse u when u'll call but i'm sorry i can't because it’s too hard for me to not hear from u and maybe i should totally blame myself that i have this kind of heart that would like to hear from u, would like to take care of u. We can chat, we can use webcam, talk everyday, telling each other what's going on and so on... I know it's not like in real life but it's something and u know what? This even can make our love stronger. Do u know why? Because if we're not together, i mean we're far away from each other then later when we meet again we can talk more and more, share everything because we'll have something in our hand, we'll be much more happier than ever. U said u don't deserve the time i waste on u but i still would like to do it because i'm forgiving u, i love u and u deserve it. I know that maybe u hurt me before so u think u don't deserve it but why am i doing all this? I mean contacting u, talking to u and so on? Because u're my life, u're a family to me now. U said u feel can't give me future, don't be sure anything that didn't happen yet and always be positive and do u remember what i said? I’m the man who should take the responsibility so that’s why it’s me who should give u future, a stable life so that u can be fine, i don’t really need u to think of anything too much in the future, don’t want u to do many things. I'm here to support u, i'm here to encourage u so that u can do something successfully. How many couples in this world r in long distance but at the end they're getting married, they're living their happy life? How is it working? Do u know? Because they believe in each other, they have faith, they're keeping in touch and they know love will be stronger than anything….Then she replied me:Give both of us some time. Let me get rid of all the bad feelings for sometime. Ur words moved me a lot but I just dont wanna hurt u over and over again so before my mind is totally clear i wont be fine then hurt u again. These days let's both focus on our own life and let me be single. This relationship changed me a lot and i want some time to find myself. Thanks so much for ur love. I do hope u will be happy there too. Remember that u have ur right to choose happiness always...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 I think she is saying that she needs to live in the here and now, not some distant place in the future. You may be willing to wait, but she is not.
So if she must choose, she would rather have someone else in her life right now, then be alone, even if that means losing you and any possibility of a future with you.
It hurts her to do this, but she feels that it is best to let you go.
A
male
reader, a-g55  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 theres nothing much you can do here apart from do as she asks. it seems as if she is politely sparing your feelings. theres another hidden reason there.
solution. you need to starve her of your attention. set her free. dont talk or contact her. let her make the first moves. if she does come back and start emailing you then that email is genuine.
if its real love then she will come back.
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