A
female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up 5 months ago. We were pretty serious and were well on the way to getting married and planning. His work was away and well...it happened that he met another woman and came home and promptly broke with me for her. He has now moved to another country to which I might travelling to, God willing. Thing is, although I know he has someone new, and all that...my soul feels so empty. I feel sometimes like I don't even have a soul. Even when he came home, we talked a lot (they were together) and we actually had sex one last time. I don't know..I just can't get him out of my system. I have gone out with friends and I always end up in tears. I have sought the help of a professional and she gave me some meds but I just am still feeling the same way. Every day. This hurts so much I can't breathe sometimes, I feel like he still has my heart and it hurts a lot. He usually e-mails me and he has not e-mailed me in almost two weeks and I just feel that something is wrong with him or he is in trouble. I miss him sooooo much. We broke up on great terms but I feel like I am in hell and just barely functioning on gas fumes instead of gas. I have no will to do anything, I eat myself silly after I lost 27 lbs and was looking great. I can't sleep, I am in torn up over this. The only thing I would never do would be to kill myself and the only reason I won't do it is because I know he will be disappointed in me. But I have thought of it several times. I am a law student right now and I have exams in November. One of my reasons for doing law besides that I love it...was for him to have him come to my grad and be proud of me so I can have all my loved ones there..but now I don't know if I can pass those exams. I hope I can get some good advice. I am sorry this is so long but you guys have no idea how destroyed I am feeling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2005): Actually, I'm not here to give an answer, but just to tell you that I am going thru the same thing. I DO feel your pain as I type this. I, too, feel like my soul is empty. I, too, have gone out with friends and they have been very supportive. But they are not with me 24/7. I DO know that each week is getting easier. I do cry every week. Something that I have no control over and it drives me absolutely crazy! I don't have proof that he actually cheated on me, but when you see a cell bill with the same number called every single nite for long hours, that just tells me that he's already developed some kind of attachment to another woman. He claims they are just friends and helping each other out, but I'm sorry....that's what I am here for!!! So that's the reason we are not together today. My friends tell me that they have never seen me like this before. I guess it's because i've never been in love like this. We've planned our futures together and told each other this was it. So, here I am...still grieving! Sorry you are going thru this. Hopefully our lives will pick up soon! Take care!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2005): I completely understand how you are feeling and I hope that this will give you some hope and make you feel less alone; When my boyfriend of over three years broke up with me I thought my world had ended. I still remember the feelings, you go through a kind of grief which is comparable with when someone close to you dies. You have shared so much of your life with that person that you feel completely lost without them.
Anyway, after 5 months I had gone through many ups and downs, sometimes thinking I was over him when really I was just kidding myself. We met up a couple of times, and each time I was straight back to square one with the whole process. The turning point for me was when he stopped getting in touch with me completely, at first it was really difficult, but eventually I found myself thinking less and less about him. You really can't get over someone properly when you are still waiting for them to call you. I'm not saying this works for everyone, but it also helped me to focus on the negative things about the relationship (the fact that he cheated on me for instance), rather than seeing it through rose-tinted glasses.
If you take control of your own life, and start thinking about you and what would make you happy, you will begin to feel better. I know how hard it is, but being a student you have so many opportunities to get out there and meet new people, and talking to them about their lives and problems will help you forget about your own. Exercise is something I would strongly recommend, it will focus your mind on something else and boost your self esteem, which has taken a beating.
I know at the moment every day is a struggle, and even getting out of bed seems pointless, but I promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you will come out as a stronger person. They say that it takes about half the length of your relationship to get over someone completely to the point where you are ready to get involved with someone else. That's not to say that in 5 months from now you won't feel so much better, because you will I promise x
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 August 2005):
 I understand how bad you feel. There are some things in life we just can't control and that is the the problem. We may love someone but if they do happen to meet someone else then we are bound to feel crushed, devastated as you do.
You may not like to hear all that I say but I do feel some straight talking is in order.
Your relationship with this guy was not meant to be. If it was, he wouldn't have even been attracted to someone else. I'm sorry to say this.
Additionally, sex for old time's sake is wrong in these circumstances! How would his new girlfriemd feel if she knew he had done that?! You say they were together, what in the world was he thinking of? I don't think he can be trusted. That shouldn't have happened.
You HAVE to move on. I do know how hard that is, I do but you can't live like this; you aren't living.
Today, you are going to change your life and you are going to put him at the back of your mind. Everytime he creeps forward, push him forcefully to the back.
Do not email him again. At this moment in time it isn't good for you to remain in contact with him as it is stopping you from moving forward. Eventually, when you are more together, perhaps then you can be in in contact on a purely friendly basis without revealing any feelings for him whatsoever (mostly because you won't have feelings to declare.)
Get out a sheet of paper. Write down all the things you want to achieve and set about achieving them. Throw yourself into your work; you need the achievement for yourself not anyone else. You need to be proud of you and rightly so.
Spend more time with your friends and tell them what you are doing. Ask for their support.
Join clubs, get a dog, climb a mountain, write a book; do anything that is absorbing and set yourself goals to achieve, every day, and don't stop till you achieve them.
Be really firm with yourself. No more moping after him. Contrary to what you feel right now, there are plenty more fish in the sea and even certain ones that will not go with someone else when they are away from you.
Force yourself out that door and give yourself more time. Treat yourself and nurture yourself. Explain to your friends and they will do the same even though time has already passed.
You have so much to live for but don't waste any more time, go out there and live it.
My thoughts are with you.
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