A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how I feel about my boyfriend anymore. Though he is nice and everything any woman can wish for in a way he cares about me, but he has what we say soft bones. We went out yesterday, and the behavour of a server was unspeacable. I ordered a bowl of soup, he brought me a cup. I mentioned it to him, and he started almost yelling saying that it's the same cup or bowl. How it can be the same, I said, price is different, quantity is different. He was obviously saying nonsense. Then the server started swearing at me. I called the manager, and we got a different server. My boyfriend through the whole scene was just sitting there saying nothing. There were several incidents before like this in a past, the same story. I understand that this is his personality to avoid conflicts, but conflicts do exist, and you can adress them in a polite manner, like I did. I didn't yell back, or screamed like that crazy waiter. But just sitting there saying nothing??? There were several situations when he was theone that was treated rudely, and still I had to speak up not himHe let people to take advantage of him everywhere even in his business. He doesn't realize that people"love" him so much and come back based on a fact that he gives them ridiculous prices, but not because they really enjoy his company. He works very hard and long hours because of the pricing policy he has for himself. He is way below the market. I know that because I called and enquirer about prices. I don't know if I can be a partner for life with someone like this anymore, tough I do love him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 January 2015):
 What else bugs you about your bf? I ask because it sounds like his behavior is due to lack of self-esteem which could impact on other behaviors and relationships as well.
IF you need/want a man who is going to stand up for you and defend you this is NOT your guy.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 January 2015):
 "Sounds" to me as if the two of you are diametrically opposed about one of life's important aspects.
YOU seem to relish conflict; HE eschews and avoids conflict (as you describe him)...
YOU must decide if your love for him is such that it will conquer this enormous disparity in how the two of you approach life....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): Well you are not going to change him. He is who he is. I understand your frustration. Nobody likes a pushover or a wimp. If being headstrong and standing up for yourself are qualities you place a high value on, and sadly for this guy, a lot of people place a high value on that, then you are better off dating someone else. What kind of sucks about this is that you are turned off by an aspect of his personality rather than by something he did to you, which I think is why you feel conflicted. If he'd been a jerk to you then at least you'd feel more justified in ending things with him. But when you have doubts about your relationship because of what so far is a relatively harmless character trait, it makes it more confusing as to what to do. It's tough. You don't want to be the bad guy. But let me tell you. One of my first boyfriends was this wimpy guy. Afraid of confrontation. I loved him but grew to dislike him. We lived together for a year in the city while we were in college. Ill never forget one night I was awaken by what sounded like someone trying to break down our front door. I immediately realized someone was trying to break in so I woke him up in a panic and told him. I was assuming he would take charge and save the day. When he heard the door buckling, and realized what was happening, his face turned white and he retreated back into the covers and acted like he didn't know what was going on. I'll never forget that. I still can't wrap my head around his reaction. I knew I had to act fast and would have to do so alone, so I let him hide in the bed and I ran to the front door, which was a kick away from flying open, and I started yelling to the person on the other side, said the police was on the way, maybe that would scare them. And it did. The person stopped kicking the door and I could hear hurried footsteps running away. A minute later my wimpy boyfriend woke up, acting all groggy and asked me what's going on. I just shook my head in dismay. My boyfriend now? He would've instantly shot up from the bed, tell me to hide in the bedroom and taken care of it himself. And it would not have been good for the person trying to break in. Look, I agree with you. Dating a wimpy guy is a dealbreaker. And God forbid you ever need him to rescue you in a time of danger, who's to say he won't be hiding behind a bush or running for the hills, leaving you to fend for yourself. Even though the scenarios you've both encountered at the moment, that called for confrontation, have been relatively harmless, it's a sign showing you how he is going to act in tougher situations. A guy is supposed to protect you and come to your defense. He can't do that. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 January 2015):
 Its your personal preference OP. I've been with guys who've been way too fighter-cocky and guys who've been like your boyfriend and I can say that I would like someone who is somewhere mid-way but definitely leaning more towards your boyfriend. Because its much better being with a soft guy than an aggressive bully. Yes, he does need to toughen up a bit and maybe he will, in time. Life teaches the best of us to survive and he'll learn too.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (10 January 2015):
 He probably knows that you can handle yourself - you're not a damsel in distress, so he doesn't treat you like one. If you weren't able to deal with it yourself, then it would be a bigger problem.
That said, if you really can't have a more reserved man who tries to avoid conflict, then you can let him go. You could talk to him about it, but it's not right to try to change him, just like he hasn't tried to change the way you handle it.
My parents are happily married and my dad will literally take a few steps back if my mum's doing what you did. At home, he's a part of a lot of conflict, but he knows my mum can handle it in public, so he doesn't.
It's up to you as to whether this outweighs all that you love about him.
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