A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:Everything fell apart for me a few years ago. We were living with my in laws and had an unplanned pregnancy. We kept having financial problems and my in laws filed for custody and won. It’s been endless arguing with my husband about each other’s parents. My parents promised to help but didn’t. My daughter is 7 and I miss her everyday and want her back. My family just don’t seem to care. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): I am sure you will not like my response but it will be more logical, realistic and factual than many who just sympathise and tell you what you want to hear or enable you to make more and more silly mistakes.You say you had an unplanned pregnancy. Everyone who gets pregnant by accident can avoid having the baby, they can have the pregnancy terminated - I have a very good friend who did that because she really did get pregnant by accident and was not in a position to be able to raise the child. With condoms, the pills etc it is very hard for an unplanned pregnancy to happen anyway, if you are wise and cautious. Your first thought should be for the child. If you do not have the finances to raise it and take care of it properly then it is better the child is elsewhere and you have visitation rights. You said it was unplanned, in which case imagine it had never happened in the first place, there would be no child. None at all. No visitation rights to think about.You need to show people you can be more cautious, make wiser decisions, be mature and responsible before they trust you with the welfare of a child, even if your finances are terrific.What are you doing towards a more responsible and better life for yourself and others?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2021): I really want to add that I'm really sorry, that you've lost custody of your child. Your financial situation has to be really unstable for your in-laws to be so concerned they'd take her from you. I didn't mean to seem harsh or cold; it must hurt you terribly to lose your child.
I will pray for you, your husband, and your families. I suggest you find yourself a place of worship, open your heart to faith, and seek help from God. That is, if you believe. If you don't, you'll have to go at it under your own power. Knowing how good God is, I think He could turn things around for you. That's what prayers are for.
You don't have to believe this, but I will pray for you anyway. God bless, help, and guide you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2021): What kind of visitation rights do you and your husband have?
If your in-laws had to fight to obtain custody of your child, they had to convince a judge that you and your spouse were not competent parents, the child's well-being and safety is compromised; and that they can provide a better home and provide for the child's needs. Maybe it's more about the child; than it is about how they feel about you.
If you really want your kind back, you'll have to be serious and determined to get your life in order. If you know your child is loved and safe, let that do for the moment. See her as often as you can, and prove to everyone you'll go through hell and back to get your daughter back. She needs to see that. It's really not about yours or your husband's feelings; it's more about her having a good home.
I can't say your family doesn't care. Maybe they just care more about the child having a safe and stable home; and didn't think you and your husband could provide that.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 November 2021):
 Like it or not, you need an appropriate amount of money to raise a child. Is your financial position now better than it was when your in-laws were awarded custody of your daughter? For people other than the natural parents to be awarded custody, the situation must have been quite dire. Do you get to see your daughter regularly? If not, why not?
No idea about laws in Australia but pretty sure there must be a way to re-apply to court for the return of your daughter if your situation has now improved and you can provide an appropriate home for your daughter. If it hasn't, then your first priority should be to sort yourself out. In the meantime, have as much contact as you can with your daughter so you are not strangers to her. Courts will always try to do what is best for the child. You need to prove to them that being with you and her father is the best thing for her.
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