A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got married 8 months ago even though i knew i didn't really want to as i no i'm not totally in love with him. He's such a good man who is descent and loyal and adores me. I love his family and love being part of it, but since i got married i knew it was the wrong thing to do. I don't enjoy sex with him and just do it to keep him happy. I have been texting a lad whom i know from years ago and i'm thinking of meeting up with him to see if my feelings for him are still there, what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): I think that you need to be honest with your husband, you married him so now you have to deal with him for the rest of your life. if you choose to meet up with this guy it is putting you in the wrong and if u care so much as the slightest bit for your husband, even as a friend and not a lover, you wont do this to him. I am someone who is very much in love with my boyfriend and the thought of doing that to him makes me sick, i'd hope any other decent human would feel the same. but its up to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): My lordie, what does his penis have that turns you off to the point of repulsion...lepracy??
Yes there are other things your husband can do. Speak to him about it. Tell him how selfish you feel he is being. Are you trying to get pregnant?
Maybe he feels if he tries other things, you will want to finish with intercourse and he is embarrassed that his erection won't come.
Has he thought about viagra, cialis, or herbal alternatives?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): To the woman who says her husband's penis is quite small. Pick up a book of the Kamasutra. There are positions that can help the woman feel a deeper penetration. The vagina is only a few inches and stretches if the penis is large. How small is small? Even an adult male's small penis should give you some sensation. Try different positons. Maybe it's you, you just don't want to make the effort.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): Why don't you enjoy sex with him? Can you make an effort to make it more exciting..some candles, toys, etc.
Did you every enjoy him?
If your feelings for this guy are still there, are you breaking up with your husband?
Why don't you just separate from your husband? Why meet up with him while your husband is under the impression all is okay. Is your husband like a fall back guy if this other dude doesn't work out. Puke!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I haven't had sex with my husband for over 8 months now. There is no initimacy what so ever. We laugh alot. We hardly talk to each when we come home at night, we love our son who is 12 very much, and we do alot of nice family things together that we enjoy.
My husband and I had a relatively good sex life when we met. Except my husband has a hard time, ejaculating during intercourse, but has once. Yep that's right that one time, got me pregnant. I have also discussed this issue with him, we talk about it a little, then we forget move on and get on with things. This has been going on for 12 years.
I have felt so unloved, so unwanted, so insecure and have tried everything from dieting, holidays away everything. He ackowledges he is "fucked up". I never wanted him to say that, all I wanted was for him and I to talk and work it out. NOW? It's too late. I have fallen out of love with him and in love with a man I have been having an affair with for 15 months while still be married. The funny thing is my husband isn't that into me because if he was he would ask why I wasn't interested in sex, or ask me if I am having an affair. It's too late. I am only staying in this marriage because of my son.
I have begged him to go to counselling, I have spoken about my temptations with other men, he gets defensive we talk about it for a little while but nothing gets done. Now I don't want it to get fixed. He is a wonderful father, a great provider, and a wonderful human being. But now it's just too late. I have been so patient for 12 years and have endured depression and rejection and emptiness.
I know what I am doing is wrong and I should leave but I can't do it to my son.
I just can't. The man I am having an affair with, is single, we both love each other. I know some of you may be thinking what a bitch having it both ways. But I have tried I have really tried telling my husband I just can't. I am gutless. I have tried to break my affair off, my lover won't hear of it. Hows that for a complicated shameful life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Hi, I'm in the same boat. Well, I haven't met anyone else but I married my husband in April of this year. We've had sex once in 12 months. We have a brilliant friendship, we have fun together, can talk about everything and he loves me like no one else ever has. I just don't feel the same for him. I did but a year ago he developed erectile dysfunction and couldn't get it up for 9 months. He was so focused on his own needs that he forgot mine, there are other things he could have done that didn't involve penetration. He has a very small penis and I find it a total turnoff. I am so torn, I care about him and doubt I could ever find a partner that I have so much in common with but I am 36 and refuse to live the rest of my life in a sexless relationship. I just cannot have sex with him, he totally turns me off to the point of repulsion. I thought I could live with his penis but I can't. What should I do? Stay married and find myself a lover? We have a perfect relationship in every way but we just don't have sex. BTW, my husband is 9 years older and is relatively sexually inexperienced.
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Come on love you know the answer to this already. Dont go meeting up with some twit from the net even if you do know him. Yeah you may not enjoy sex but you never mentioned why. Is it becuase you dont get exited? Is it becuase hes to rough and not loving enough? Is it becuase his size isnt enough to give you pleasure? If its the last one. well my boyfriend isnt particually big down there and we have been having sex for over a year. I dont get much pleasure out of it. But I would never ever break up with him or cheat on him becuase of that. Come on now your a mature woman who realises what shoudl be done about this.If you want to jepodies your marriage becuase of lack of sex. then go ahead your choice. But a bad one in my opinion. If you loved him enough to marry him the idea of cheating wouldnt even cross your mind.Sought yourself out love. If you cant then perhaps a divorce should be your next step. Let your man find someone who will love him and have no thought about cheating on him. He deserves it.
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A
female
reader, theotherwoman +, writes (24 August 2007):
do you really expect anyone is going to say 'go on, meet this man and have sex with him behind your lovely husbands back'. come on now - you know the answer to this all on your own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): You need to finish one with one relationship before starting another, for all party's concern. It is not fair to your husband what you are contemplating, be honest with him and think how you would feel if a person you adore did this to you, it would mess you up in the head and in the future you would have a hard time trusting someone again. Don't be selfish.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Well, I think, as bad as it is, you have to tell your husband. Holding off telling him hasn't lead to anywhere good, has it? Because now you are currently stuck in an unhappy marriage.My advice would be to sit down and tell him that you've been having some kind of problems with the lovemaking side of things. Sit down and discuss how you could make it better. Maybe there is a way for you to begin to enjoy it again.Try and save your marriage instead of simply abandoning it. What is the point of rushing off to meet this old friend to see if you have feelings for him? Think about your husbands feelings. Don't meet this guy, until there is clearly no future with your husband.Talk to your husband about how you feel, try to find a way to make the sex better, and don't meet this other man unless things are over with your marriage.
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A
female
reader, gabby43  +, writes (22 August 2007):
honey please don't hurt this man who adores you if its something he will do for you to enjoy sex why don't you tell him??
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A
male
reader, Zim +, writes (22 August 2007):
 One thing to remember is that you married this man for a reason. There is some small love there because of the fact that you say "not totally in love with him" and the endearing terms you describe him with. Wouldn't it be prudent to try to learn to love him, see all the little things that made you first go out with him? Are there any things that initially, you hated/disliked but now find endearing? These all indicate love, although not all are required. Another thing is that marriage is a important declaration of commitment. There's a reason why you say vows when you get married. If you do go to meet this guy for the reasons above, you are skirting on the edges of cheating and if you continue to see him or indeed do more with him you are cheating on your husband. Does he really deserve that treatment? How would you feel if you were in the opposite position to where you are now? Not enjoying sex is directly related to how you feel about a person. If you are constantly thinking of the fact that you are not sure of your feelings for him, this will reduce drive for sex. One way to solve it, is to possible act like you both are going out again? You remember how it feels going out early in a relationship. It might be this that helps to revive the spark in your relationship. I cant't dictate what you should or shouldn't do. Its not my place, nor my responsibility. I can only advise and in summary I don't think you should meet this man for the reasons you have given. Certainly meet him as an old friend, but nothing more.I hope this advice helps.ZIM
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